Friday, November 28, 2014

Black Friday Here, Mad Englishmen Over There, Green Friday in Colorado, and God Bless the Germans

There's a man going around taking names
and he decides who to free and who to blame
everyone won't be treated quite the same...

From the Johnny Cash song, "The Man Comes Around"

Hopefully the greedy twits who came up with the idea of "Black Friday" will be among those who, as Cash sang, won't be treated quite the same. Yes, there is nothing like kicking off the Christmas season, which supposedly celebrates the birth of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ--aka--the Prince of Peace, with a mad and some times riotous dash for stuff. 

Of course the corporate marketing slugs who plotted this nonsense aren't the only ones to blame. If huge mobs of people didn't continually act as abysmally as those brutes predicted this insanity would go away in a year, or two. That's right, if everyone would actually spend time with their families on Thanksgiving and the day after, rather than stampeding like great herds of buffalo through the aisles of places like Wal-Mart and Best Buy the same assholes who created the problem would quickly put an end to it.

Tragically that isn't going to happen and now the madness is spreading. Agence France-Presse is reporting huge angry crowds of shoppers ran wild all over the United Kingdom last night after the British gurus of retail decided to import the ridiculous phenomenon. It got so bad the AFP story said Tesco, Britain's largest retail chain, actually had to close a number of stores because their customers were so out of control. One person quoted in the story said it was bad enough that the woman, "at the till was crying she was so terrified." Police were called to several locations in order to help with crowd control.

And--although it appalls me to no end to have to say this--given the current level of local education, I feel I'm forced to. Ladies and gentlemen of the United States, the British don't observe a Thanksgiving Day. Now whether that makes them crazier than us, or not, given what happened last night, is clearly up for debate.

Every year the greed heads begin the lunacy a little earlier. Here in the states more and more stores are opening on Thanksgiving Day itself. That means their employees are stuck dealing with fully functioning, if only temporary, psychopaths rather than enjoying the traditional feast with their loved ones. The collective company philosophy being--well--screw 'em. They're minimum wage and need the money anyway.

This year in Colorado some retailers are calling it, "Green Friday." They would be the ones selling legal marijuana to the local population. Sure, why not? Get in the mix and offer deep discounts on the bud just because it is the day after the holiday. Hey, if it works for the electronics department of Target, why won't it for someplace with a name like, Tommy Chong's Emporium of Magic Brownies.

Western civilization should be grateful there are a few places who, for now anyway, still avoid the temptation to jump into the deep end with us and the Brits. The International Business Times reports there are no signs of Black Friday craziness spreading to Spain and France. When asked if German stores had considered holding massive sales on the day after an American holiday, one retailer had this terse reply, "We are not Americans."

I didn't think I'd ever say it, but, God bless the Germans.

Indeed. Someone on this blue ball has to remain sane.

Now, given the circumstances, I'd like to thank Mr. Gordon of Linden, New Jersey for his patience. Sir, I will be with you shortly.


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