Monday, September 18, 2017

Donald Trump: Red Bull, Chugged, Not Sipped and Rank Amateurism

Nearly eight months in the only thing the entire world can be certain of is, Donald Trump loves chaos. In fact he considers it not just standard operating procedure, but a powerful political ally worth hundreds of thousands of votes among the rubes who despise Washington D.C. and the government for which it stands.

Proving once again the tweeter in chief has the intellect and emotional stability of a 14 year old boy, El Donald once again assailed the world with a storm of tweets yesterday morning. To be fair they weren't all his. Some were previously existing bizarre nonsense which he re-tweeted after careful late night research. You know, like the one showing a train plowing through a layer of snow while it's topped with a giant photo shopped, "Make America Great Again" cap. Never one for details when it comes to strident nationalism, Donald apparently didn't realize the train, in fact, belonged to the Canadian National Railway System and was rolling through one of their provinces. Perhaps, even, near the birthplace of Ted Cruz.

Another showed him hitting a tee shot which was so errant it slammed into Hillary Clinton, knocking her over. As we know, Secretary Clinton lost the election to The Big Orange Guy nearly a year ago. However, she is still loathed by his true believers almost as much as Barack H. Obama and remains a great go to villain when it comes to Don's fragile ego and leading cheers in sweaty halls located in places like rural West Virginia.

Various news outlets suggested these and other tweets were messages to those in his base. Many of them had become enraged after it looked like their man might back track on his anti-immigrant promises and make a deal on the issue with the globalist sonsofbitches in the democratic party.

Others, myself included, decided it was just Don Trump once again waking up then imbibing a weird and toxic combination of chocolate cake, a couple of toots of cocaine, and three, or four cans of Red Bull, chugged, not sipped.

Or, it could be that, in the words of New York republican representative, Chris Collins, "He's just a fun guy."

In response to this madness, the republican mainstream, led by Senators Lindsey Graham, R-SC and Bill Cassidy, R-LA have decided, for what seems like the millionth time, to repeal the Affordable Care Act.

Their replacement bill is so horrific at first glance the American Heart Association, the American Diabetes Association, the March of Dimes, and the American Cancer Society have already declared they're against it. That's before the Congressional Budget Office has even looked at its ramifications.

On the other side, senator Rand Paul, R-KY says he's against it because not enough poor and sick people get fucked over. John McCain, R-AZ is reported to be wary, because it hasn't gone through republican controlled committees. Susan Collins, R-ME and Lisa Murkowski, R-AK haven't said one way or the other, but the Graham-Cassidy bill retains the same proposals which caused them to vote no the last time this experiment in abject cruelty hit the senate floor.

Meanwhile, last week, two of Trump's lawyers sat down to lunch at a popular Washington steak joint and got into a loud argument on how their guy should respond to the ever expanding Russian Investigation, headed by Robert Mueller. The two goofs, David McGahn II and Ty Cobb, didn't even take it inside, but rather sat down at a sidewalk table and proceeded to blab their differences in front of not only the wait staff and casual diners, but a NY Times reporter seated nearby.

Well that's the problem with relying on chaos isn't it? It not only leads to juvenile behavior, utter confusion, and social-political sadism, but also rank amateurism.

Indeed, that is what we are faced with now. Not only is Donald John Trump a crude and mentally defective buffoon, but he and his people are complete amateurs when it comes to politics and running the nation.

Of course, that's what the trailer park fascists who supported him wanted.

And tragically, it is what the rest of us got.


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Ted Cruz Likes Twitter Porn

Yes, the weirdness continues.

Yesterday the person, or persons who own a Twitter account called, @SexuallPosts tweeted a two plus minute porn video, because apparently that's all they do. Hey, why not? At least it beats reading Don Trump's bilious rants doesn't it?

Shortly after the post appeared it was, "liked," by one, Raphael Edward Cruz. For those with short memories Mr. Cruz is currently the junior senator from Texas and a former candidate for the republican presidential nomination. He is also one of those fire breathing, self professed Jesus loving, anti gay guys who a few years ago voted against a bill which would assist the victims of what was called, Super Storm Sandy.

Of course that was back when the recipients of the relief were people living in New Jersey, New York, and other perceived liberal enclaves. At this particular moment, despite his fiscally conservative bombast, he has gone all big government. That's because the havoc wrought by Hurricane Harvey on the Texas Gulf coast devastated the homes of boat loads of people who are eligible to vote for him.

The, "like," was deleted, but not before the few, the progressive, and the suddenly gleeful began pointing it out to everyone who could see and hear. That would include the questionable souls in charge of the porn account who quickly added this to their profile, "Follow for the Same Porn @TedCruz Watches."

The shocking revelation came as no surprise to Mr. Craig Mazin, who spent time as Cruz's roommate at Princeton. He was the guy who reported Cruz used to roam the women's side of their dorm dressed only in a silk paisley bath robe. In fact the future senator did it so often Mazin said he had women come to his room begging him to make Cruz stop taking his strolls.

After the news broke, Mazin tweeted, "Now imagine Ted Cruz doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed. Yes, my misery very much appreciates your company."

Actually we'd rather not imagine it, but I suppose we're now stuck with a couple of different revolting images.

Newsweek reports some wits even drug up a thoroughly impossible conspiracy theory which says Cruz is actually the unidentified California serial killer known as the Zodiac. One tweeted, "Ted Cruz has remarkably normal taste in pornography for someone who is the Zodiac Killer." As tempting as it is to identify the smarmy little shit as a murderer, the fact is Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta, CN a year after the last Zodiac killing took place, so he is off the hook for those crimes.

That doesn't mean Brother Ted is immune to all things conspiratorial. During the primary campaign, Donald John Trump brought up the possibility Cruz's father, also named, Raphael, was a pal of Lee Harvey Oswald and was in on the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

The, "proof," came from a pro Trump supermarket tabloid, The National Enquirer. It had run a fuzzy photo allegedly linking the two in New Orleans and as everyone knows, unlike MSNBC and CNN, The Enquirer never publishes fake news. Think not? Just ask the president of these United States of America.

Late Monday, the Cruz people, after some confusion and possibly a little gawking at the video, issued a tweet which read, "The offensive tweet posted on @TedCruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter."

Today the senator is blaming the entire episode on, "staffing issues." Newsweek says Cruz issued a statement which read, "There are a number of people on the team who have access to the account and it appears someone accidentally hit the, 'like,' button." Cruz elaborated by saying, "It was a staffing issue and it was inadvertent. It was a mistake; it was not a deliberate action."

Well, you have to say something don't you.

In the end Cruz seemed to regret not coming up with the idea of publicly liking porn sooner. He told the AP, "I will say that if I had known this would trend so quickly, perhaps we should have posted something like this back during the Indiana primary." The senator might have a point. Obscene sexual dialogue caught on tape certainly didn't hurt Don Trump during the campaign. And, let's face it, Ted Cruz does seem to be the sort of guy who will do anything in a pinch when it comes to looking for votes.

So why not endorse porn? After all, we're all capitalists here and it is a significant national industry.

Indeed. Who says America and the internet aren't great?


Thursday, September 7, 2017

Oklahoma Republicans Running Amok: High Crimes and Misdemeanors All Over the Place

What is it with these ultra conservative--evangelical--law and order types who keep getting elected to the Oklahoma legislature? Are they predisposed to felonious behavior by genetics, or is there some behavior altering drug they must ingest during the secret initiation ceremony which ushers them into the society of radical right wing politics?

It all began, sort of, with state senator, Rick Brinkley-R, Owasso. He spent 10 years as the pastor of a Collinsville church before turning his spiritual endeavors to the Tulsa Better Business Bureau, the Oklahoma State Senate, and big time embezzling. In 2015 the BBB fired the soon to be former senator after it estimated there was about $1,000,000 missing from their treasury which he was in charge of.

Proving their accounting system was still in need of work, Brinkley ended up pleading guilty to skimming $1.8 million from the organization in order to pay for things like his home mortgage, a new pool cleaning machine, personal credit card bills, and his gambling debts. In April 2016 he got 37 months in federal prison.

Compared to Brinkley, former state senator Kyle Loveless-R, OKC was a small time grifter. He resigned in April of this year after the Ethics Commission began looking into his somewhat questionable use of campaign contributions. Early last month Loveless pleaded guilty to embezzling $100,000 from his own political war chests over a four year period. It was a series of acts which not only proved the senator's abject greed, but also the complete incompetence of the Oklahoma Democratic Party. Let's face it, in local legislative elections you don't siphon off cash like that from your campaigns unless you're utterly convinced the opposition is in complete disarray and stands no chance at all.

Ah, but then we get to the really ugly goings on.

In 2016 representative Dan Kirby-R, Tulsa found himself thinking about resigning when it became public knowledge he had to settle a sexual harassment case--or rather a wrongful termination suit, springing from charges of sexual harassment--brought by a former aide. The assistant, Holly Bishop, had alleged she had been fired without reason after accusing Kirby of preying on her during her time working for him.

Kirby was initially talked out of quitting by Senator Ralph Shortey-R, OKC who was a former Trump county coordinator, and apparently a volunteer advisor to the representative. The whole wretched affair would have probably blown over, because if conservatives nation wide have proven anything, it's they'll go with a sexual predator every time as opposed to a democrat, at least so long their candidate is hetro. Especially when the guy--in this instance, Kirby--claimed the incidents were nothing more than consensual behavior between two adults.However, when it turned out Bishop and her attorney had been paid off with $44,500 of taxpayer money the shit hit the fan.

Indeed, fucking her is one thing, but asking fellow conservatives to pay for it is another. Kirby resigned as outraged republicans howled about the tab they were picking up. As it turned out Shortey should have immediately followed his pal's lead.

He didn't though.

In March of this year, following a tip, Moore, OK police took a look inside a room at a Super 8 motel located hard by I-35. Inside they found Senator Shortey, one back pack with an open package of condoms, another with a tube of, "lotion," the stench of marijuana smoke, and a 17 year old boy.

Today, The Oklahoman reports a federal grand jury indicted the former senator on three charges of child pornography and one count of child sex trafficking.The story, written by Nolan Clay, says the grand jury accused Shortey of, "leading a double life," during his stay in the senate by using pseudonyms to author explicit homo-erotic emails, posts on Facebook, and ads on Craigslist. The former senator is married with two children. He is currently pleading not guilty.

Finally we get to Senator Bryce Marlatt-R, Woodward. According to another story in today's paper written by Clay, Marlatt was charged with sexual battery yesterday after a mis-adventure with a female Uber driver. The driver told police that back in late June, Marlatt began kissing her on the neck and shoulder while she was trying to drive him from a restaurant on Memorial Road in north OKC to a bar. The driver says Marlatt's first words to her after he climbed into the vehicle was, "Hey, you got nice tits."

Despite the urbane smooth talk and suave attempt at foreplay the unidentified woman told the senator to sit down and not touch her, or she would call the cops. His response was to begin kicking the back door of her car.

Clay writes Marlatt claims not to remember the details of the affair, to the point of not recalling he had a female driver on the night in question. He might have an argument. The Oklahoman story says the senator has been in the tank once before, pleading no contest in 2014 to a misdemeanor after Woodward authorities found him asleep and reeking of alcohol in his pickup truck on a rural road.

Honestly, when it comes to the ultra right, sometimes it isn't their cruel and unusual politics, or the smug conviction they are the only true patriots in America. Sometimes it isn't even their complete certainty the Christian God is firmly on their side as they spout rhetoric laced with barely concealed racism. No, sometimes, it is simply the heinous and blatant hypocrisy they indulge in with such unabashed fervor.

And it isn't going to change in this state any time soon. Republicans outnumber democrats four to one in the state senate and control 75 percent of the state house. That's after democrats won two recent special elections thanks to Messrs. Shortey and Kirby.

Ladies and gentlemen, as you can guess, the bar is open. Given the situation what else is there to do?

sic vita est


Monday, September 4, 2017

Returning From the Mountain: The Reason God Created Cruise Control, Communion Atop Pike's Peak, What a Crowd in Corpus Christi, Heeling to the Base, the Utter Chaos Remains Unquelled, and the Guy at the Wheel

For those hearty souls thinking of making the trip, be assured of two things. First, the 350 some odd mile stretch of Interstate 70 between Salina, KS and Limon, CO is the reason the Good Lord invented cruise control on automobiles. It is such a vacuum the distances between trees and the occasional grain elevator, or silo can best be described in terms normally reserved for interstellar travel. It also features the filthiest, most gut churning, McDonald's restaurant in the entire world, located in Hays, Kansas.

Second, once at the summit of Pike's Peak, it is best not to partake in a 60's/70's retro-esque version of communion consisting of a double ultra dry vodka martini and a chocolate chip cookie from Maggie's Farm. If you're a flatlander who hasn't spent any serious time in the mountains for decades, like some in the party, that shit will jump all over you in a hurry at 14,000 plus feet above sea level.

Let's face it, a few of us are simply not what we used to be and afterward--under those conditions--the down hill trip becomes an exercise in abject terror, even after you've given up the wheel to someone with more brains and restraint.

Of course while we were gone things in America continued to unravel at a rate even more unnerving than the aforementioned down the mountain glide and drift. Houston and much of the east Texas coastal region drowned in a witches brew of surging salt water, rain, chemical spills, and raw sewage.

The Big Orange Guy showed up in Corpus Christi and at least attempted to sound presidential. However, in the end, the old carnival barker reverted to form by ending his speech with, "What a crowd! What a turnout!"

Well, when your home is waist deep in toxic soup--something Trump failed to mention during his address, along with the horrifying loss of life--there isn't a whole lot else to do is there? Indeed, would you rather wade through two feet of muck in the den, or listen to the man who is promising you huge amounts of money to rebuild? Unfortunately for all involved, members of Trump's own party are already threatening to derail disaster relief if he ties it to raising the debt ceiling. And, as we've seen, El Donald's track record with the republican controlled congress is a tad lackluster.

Once unencumbered by the nightmare in southeast Texas, Brother Don returned home and reportedly has decided to end the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, or DACA. Also known as the, "Dreamer's" program, Obama's act protects the children of parents who brought them into the country illegally from deportation for at least two years. They can stay beyond the limit without looking over their shoulder for ICE agents if their status is renewed, which it will be so long as they are working, or going to school and haven't been charged with a crime.

The latest dispatches say the administration will stop taking applications, and cease renewals for six months before the program is terminated. The somewhat twisted theory floated by Trump's people is if those same republican clowns in congress want to extend DACA's life, or "improve on it," they'll have the six months to come up with the legislation to do so.

In some circles this is known as a win, win situation. On one hand, Trump, as democratic representative, Ted Lieu says, " heeling to his base." In other words, he's placating all the grotesque rubes who blame immigrants for everything that's gone wrong in their lives. On the other he is allowing himself room to publicly wash his hands and lay the crucifixion on a stone hearted congress. After all, if the legislative branch thinks DACA is a worthy program it is their responsibility to save it--from me.

By the way, this line of reasoning only makes sense if you are Donald John Trump, or throwing back large slugs of vodka while consuming cannabis laced confections at 14,000 feet.

Bernie Sanders, the white haired guru of the young and impressionable, said if  Trump pulls the plug, as rumored, he will have made, "One of the ugliest and cruelest decisions ever made by a president."

That takes in a lot when you consider what Andrew Jackson did to the Cherokees and other eastern Native American tribes and how FDR's administration handled the Japanese-American population at the start of WWII.

There is little doubt our man Don is up to the task though. He is, after all, the fascist in chief and possesses a mean streak so wide and petty it takes the breath away.

Yes, it is good to see that even after a week of Al fresco dining in Old Colorado City the utter chaos we left behind hasn't been quelled, or even muted.

But then why should it? Look who is running the show, for God's sake. It is a guy who was bequeathed the wheel at an early age and is loathe to give it up, no matter how grossly impaired and over matched he is by both the altitude and the road he is careening down.

Too bad the rest of us are stuck in the same car with him.

sic vita est