Friday, May 4, 2012

The Pro, The Secret Service, and The Failed Business Transaction

It was apparently a bender of epic proportions that sordid night in Cartagena, Colombia. The local pro at the center of the whole debacle says that while the crazed North Americans weren't using drugs, they were "buying liquor as if it were water." She maintains she wasn't aware that the man who approached her was a member of the United States Secret Service. However she says if she had known and been a terrorist it would have been easy to get him to give up the details of President Barack Obama's visit.

That window of opportunity has probably passed. The crackdown on this sort of behavior has been swift. Seven agents have "resigned", one was fired, and three more have received administrative punishment. Those still in the service can look forward to spending the rest of their careers searching for illegal whiskey stills in someplace like Point Barrow, Alaska. The bar has been closed for the foreseeable future.Two, or three generations of agents will grow old and die before another presidential security detail goes so far off its collective nut.

Questions of professionalism abound on all sides of this sweaty mess. The escort, Dania Londono Suarez, a mother of one, claims the agent in question approached her and asked, "Sex?" She says her response was, "Baby, cash money." He responded with "Ok, how much?" She told him 800. Presumably the figure was in in Colombian currency, because it has been widely reported that the whole episode spun out of control over fifty U.S. dollars. Why she didn't attempt to collect the fee up front remains a mystery. Back in the lost years, between marriages, it was my experience that all monies were paid in advance just so something as awkward as this didn't occur. Maybe it is a cultural difference. Who knows?

Despite the man's terse ineloquence, or perhaps because of it she went to his room in the Hotel Carib. When they woke up together around 6am, he kicked her out, refusing her efforts to collect the tab. During a radio interview reported by MSNBC news she said, "Only a stupid guy wouldn't understand that we had an agreement."

Obviously intelligence wasn't in overabundance during any of this squalid affair. As the agent shoved her out of the room he told her to "Let go, bitch." She began pounding on the door and then security got involved and as we know heads began to roll.

I don't know for sure, but I'm thinking this dope was deep in the throes of a blackout that night. He woke up feeling like hell and to his horror there was a strange woman in bed next to him. I mean that "Pretty Woman" scenario never happens in real life. No one in their right mind goes to sleep with a hooker in their room. The whole heart of gold thing is a myth and cash and credit cards are right there for the taking.

Anger and panic probably set in. Even if he didn't remember the financial arrangements the payoff should have been made. He knew he was screwed if anyone found out, so give her the cash and start praying to Almighty God she can keep her mouth shut. However in the heat of the moment, during what was probably an overwhelming surge of shame, painted lime green by a massive hangover, he made exactly the wrong decision.

No, not even Wild Bill Clinton would tolerate this sort of nonsense. We are, after all, talking about the security of the President of the United States America.

Finally, for those contemplating engaging the services of a working woman in the future, remember there is one cardinal rule which should never be forgotten. It is this: You aren't paying the hooker for sex. You are paying her to leave after the sex.

It is the nature of the business. Always keep it in mind.



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