Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Vampire Coulter, the Lava Lamp Effect, and Newt Explains It All

Our old friend Ann Coulter was censored on the MSNBC show, "Morning Joe" the other day. She called John McCain a d****bag, proving once again that hell hath no fury like a conservative turning on one of their own. It is an ugly sight when this sort of thing happens, rather like watching a tiger eating one of its own cubs.

Coulter has never been shy when it comes to outlandish statements, or self promotion, both of which seem to morph into the same thing when they let her on TV. Her books and speeches make clear that she is the ultimate authority on all things patriotic and conservative. Anyone out of touch with Ann Coulter is subject to her undying wrath.

To see her is to understand that the reason she would never be offered a part in the popular "Twilight" series is because she looks too much like a vampire. There is no subtlety about her pale, anorexic appearance and her wanton and relentless need for human blood. One can only imagine her private thoughts on Mitt Romney's run for the nomination. If they were to be made public secret service inquiries would surely follow.

The hard right of the republican party is in complete disarray. They just can't seem to get rid of this Romney fellow and sell the GOP faithful on voting for one of their own. The polls have shown different conservative purists rising to challenge the Mitt, then dropping back to the pack as their fifteen minutes fade. It is rather like watching a lava lamp. Those red globs heat up, rise, then cool and sink back into the depths of the viscous liquid.

On the rise right now is Newt Gingrich. He lags in New Hampshire, Romney's backyard, but leads in South Carolina, basically his own backyard. How long he can mount a meaningful challenge is a matter of much speculation. Mr. Gingrich can push the right buttons much of the time, but on others, he inserts his foot neatly into his mouth.

Newt Gingrich makes much of the conservative leadership tremble. He talks the talk, but rarely walks the walk. When you lecture Americans on fiscal responsibility and the evils of deficit spending it isn't good form to run up a huge bill at Tiffany's because of your THIRD wife's taste for fine jewelry. He takes $1.8 million from Freddie Mac and then blithely says he never lobbied for them. In a speech in South Carolina he explained to the voters he didn't have to lobby because his income from his speaking appearances was so great. In other words he was so fabulously well to do, he didn't need to dirty his hands by shilling for his pay master. This is hardly the populist message or image the leadership of the right wants to send to lower income, socially conservative, evangelical, voters. Only Ronald Reagan could get away with such nonsense.

The fact of the matter is, Newt Gingrich is such a loose cannon when it comes to personal behavior and ethics that to this day he remains the only Speaker of the United States House of Representatives to be removed by his own party. If Dick Armey, Tom DeLay, and John Boehner can't put up with you, who can?

I don't know, but, despite his own devastatingly low poll numbers,or, perhaps because of them, if I'm Barak Obama I might want Newt to head the ticket on the other side. And if the president is really lucky, Gingrich will pick Ann Coulter as his running mate. Now there is a duo that will appeal to the middle of American politics. Especially everyone who would actually have to work for a $1.8 million pay check, or be genteel enough to not call one of their own a d****bag on cable TV.


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