There is about to be a huge dilemma for a large number of conservative wankers out there. It is one so delicious with irony that it simply smacks of the old "Twilight Zone" television series. The title of the episode will be, "Birthers Thy Crusade Has Come Home to Bite You in the Ass."
Here is the scenario. A first term senator has his eye on the white house, however he has a large problem. He was born on foreign soil and his father, at the time of his birth, was not a citizen of this fine nation. Only now there is no need for anyone to run around in circles like Chicken Little screaming about forged birth certificates. His place of birth and his old man's status are well documented public knowledge.
The senator's name? Why it would be none other than Rafael Edward Cruz. His pals call him Ted. He is the new and brightly minted hero of the far right. He spoke to the NRA the other day and said, "The constitution matters. All of the constitution. It is not pick and choose. It's not take parts you like and get rid of parts you don't like."
Cruz's father, Rafael was born in Cuba and took to a boat shortly after Fidel began running the place. He married an American named Eleanor. After they had been together for a bit they moved to Alberta, Canada to work in the oil business. That is where their son, Ted made his first appearance on the planet. He was four years old by the time the family moved back to Texas. It was only after their return that Rafael became a naturalized American citizen.
Yes, it appears we have an insidious foreigner in our midst with designs on the highest office in the land. No wonder the screeching little ferret doesn't sound like one of us. It turns out he isn't.
Here is what Article II, Section 1 of that pesky U.S. constitution says, "No person except a natural born citizen or citizen of the United States at the time of the adoption of this constitution shall be eligible for the office of the president."
I know, it is a little fuzzy, but it was clear enough back in the day that Alexander Hamilton was ruled ineligible for the office. Hamilton who could be considered a founding father, reached the rank of major general during the revolution, and served as the first secretary of the treasury. He was also born in Charlestown on the island of Nevis and didn't move to the North American British colonies until he was 17. That put the kibosh on any aspirations he might have had for the presidency after the U.S. won its independence.
Now you know why mobs of right wing hacks are so desperate to prove Obama wasn't born here. You also know why Ted Cruz won't qualify for an office he so obviously has a hard on for if his buddies like Don Trump and Sheriff Joe Arpaio are correct.
Cruz dismisses the entire train of thought by saying, "My mom was a citizen, so I'm a citizen by birth." But wait, if that is the case why does anyone give a shit about where Obama was born, because his mother was a citizen too. Well that answer is a bit painful, because it involves race and no one wants to admit they are a racist. At least not publicly
For those of you with enough sense to not to pay any attention to the likes of Trump and other fellow travelers, this whole "Obama isn't a citizen" thing is still dragging on. The New American reports there is going to be a trial down in Alabama soon. Arpaio and his crack team of investigators are going to testify before the state supreme court and according to that online publication they'll claim they have irrefutable evidence the president was not born in the United States. The article, written by Joe Wolverton, goes on to say it doesn't matter where Obama was born. In his interpretation of the constitution both parents have to be American citizens for you to be eligible for the presidency. In other words Ted Cruz could have been born in Des Moines fucking Iowa and he'd still be disqualified because his father wasn't a citizen.
Wolverton quotes some arcane sources for that translation of the constitution, but hey, everyone gets to have an opinion--even people who write for The New American, which is brought to us by none other than the John Birch Society.
Obviously this is all utter nonsense. There isn't a sane person, or genuine constitutional scholar out there who believes that either Cruz, or Obama is ineligible for the presidency. However, the truth remains that you can't have it both ways. If Barack Obama can't be the commander in chief, then neither can Ted Cruz. Just watching what will be a two step, side step, head ducking, wildly clucking dance by the extreme right in 2016 over this issue is going to be worth the price of admission, especially if Cruz wins the nomination.
Meanwhile, here in Oklahoma a twinge of paranoia set in. A few weeks ago I signed an online petition in favor of requiring back ground checks at gun shows and before the online sale of a weapon could be completed. The petition was then forwarded to the entire ultra conservative Oklahoma congressional delegation. Later I shot off a bitter email to Senator Tom Coburn complaining about his vote against the expanded checks.
Yesterday, the republican controlled Oklahoma State Election Board sent me a terse note demanding that I verify my place of residence within sixty days. I was informed if I didn't comply I would forfeit my right to vote. They also warned darkly that if I misled them in any way I could do something like five years in jail and get hit with a $10,000 fine. My wife, who didn't sign the petition, or email anyone didn't get a similar note.
There is nothing like a startling little coincidence to make you look over your shoulder.
Perhaps I should call Joe Arpaio. He understands how to get to the bottom of a conspiracy like this.
Looking at his politics, he'd probably end up proving that I am a closet Canadian. You know, that one born right down the street from Ted Cruz.
Ah, the webs we weave.
sic vita est