Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Michele Bachmann Rides Off Into the Sunset

And there goes Michele Marie Amble Bachman riding off into the sunset. NBC News, in an on line article co-written by Mark Murray, Domenico Montanaro, and Brook Brower, is reporting that the Congresswoman from Minnesota has decided not to run for re-election.

They quote her as saying, "After a great deal of thought and deliberation I have decided next year I will not seek a fifth Congressional term."

Of course thought and  deliberation would both be uncharted waters for the Congresswoman who once said that Hurricane Irene, which killed 56 people and caused billions of dollars of damage, was a direct warning from God that the United States needed to have a smaller government.

Well what do you expect from someone who received her law degree from a place called the O.W. Coburn School of Law? At the time Bachmann attended it the school was affiliated with Oral Roberts University in Tulsa and was named after Orin Wesley Coburn, the founder of Coburn Optical Industries. Coburn was also the father of current Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn. And just to prove it is a small world after all the first little league baseball team I played on in Muskogee, Oklahoma was the, "Coburn Rockets." You bet, the same guy. A number of years after I stood in left field wearing that uniform, Mrs. Bachmann was at  OWC Law, helping one of her professors, John Eidsmore do research for his book, "Christianity and the Constitution." Mr. Eidsmore's scholarly message was that the United States was founded as a Christian theocracy and should become one again.

The reasons why Mrs. Bachmann chose not to run are a bit muddled. The NBC story says that she had all ready begun airing a campaign ad on Minnesota TV stations. That would be nearly 17 months before the next election cycle. When she gave up the ghost she was quoted as saying, "Be assured my decision was not in any way influenced by concerns about my re-election."

Despite that bravado one has to wonder what results recent polling, by either her people, or an unknown independent organization  might be available to her. Sometimes withdrawing is more face saving than getting your ass thoroughly kicked. Especially in a suburban district gerrymandered to guarantee a republican seat in the congress. In the 2012 election Mitt Romney carried her district by 15%. Michele Bachmann beat her democratic opponent by a mere 4,300 votes and he has all ready declared he is running again. In fact, Mrs. Bachman has consistently carried her district by far fewer votes than republican presidential candidates.

She shrugged off the suggestion that she decided not to run because of an investigation into her spectacularly unsuccessful presidential campaign. According to the story she said, "Be assured my decision was not in any way influenced by concerns of the recent inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign, or my former presidential staff."

The Office of Congressional Ethics is taking a look at what might be some illegal transfers of funds. It is a non partisan panel that was established to screen what might be acts of misconduct by members of the house. There is no current evidence of wrong doing. On the other hand no one can deny that Bachmann marched into Waterloo, Iowa during the 2012 primary season so completely misinformed that she bragged she and John Wayne were both born there. She was, but unfortunately she hadn't read the fine print. John Wayne, the arch conservative movie idol was born in Winterset, Iowa. It was John Wayne Gacey, the infamous and vile serial killer, who also came from Waterloo. This type of nationally embarrassing gaffe tends to grate on voters in your district. It stands to reason that no one wants to be known as the idiot who voted for--well--an idiot.

Later, in a fit of medical insight, Mrs. Bachmann claimed that the Human Papillomavirus vaccine, which is administered to 11 and 12 year old girls to prevent a variety of cervical cancers after they become sexually active, causes mental retardation. Not even Texas governor Rick Perry would buy into that bullshit. Then while on the stump in New Hampshire, at a point when she still had the gall to think she was presidential material, she congratulated the state for being the place where the first shots of the American revolution were fired. For those of you not familiar with the conflict, it is commonly known the first shots and casualties suffered during the revolution occurred at Lexington, Massachusetts and later that day, at Concord, Massachusetts. It appears that geography, not to mention town names can really be confusing, especially when you're a graduate of the O.W. Coburn school of Law. Apparently the mix up happened because the capital of New Hampshire is also named Concord. Indeed, like there is a Paris, Texas and a Prague, Oklahoma sometimes names tend to overlap, or repeat. Tragically, at times, a lack of research and knowledge of 2nd grade U.S. history will fuck the finest of intentions.

Well, she will be out of our hair now. None too soon either. However, in a weird twist of fate, as NBC reports, her district could be tougher for the democrats to win with her gone. The right wing bastards might actually find someone with a functional brain to run. Think about it. It is a district so firmly in republican grasp that the voters put up with Michele Bachmann for eight years. If anyone in the GOP shows up and knows the difference between Concord, New Hampshire and Concord, Massachusetts he or she will seem like a mind boggling genius.

Actually, in a strange way, I'll miss her. After all Michele Bachmann is the perfect example of everything that is wrong with the evangelical and social right wing of the republican party. Now she is leaving. The paradigm is gone.

Luckily there are and will be others to replace her. The republicans have never let me down in that regard.

So, goodbye, Mrs. Bachmann, I'm sure we'll be seeing you soon as an "analyst" on Fox News making sure everything is fair and balanced. We all look forward to your insight. Hey, if Dick Morris can make it on that network so can you.

sic vita est.


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