Monday, November 26, 2012

The Great Texas Secession

It appears the hyper-conservatives in Texas have decided that since they can't run the United States of America the way they want to they'll just leave. Well, not leave as in move to Belize, or Ecuador, but secede from the U.S. I'm sure that sounds like a great idea to someone, but hasn't it been tried before?

It certainly has. In fact one hundred and fifty one years ago when Texas and other parts of the south couldn't get their way they all jumped ship. It ignited what is known around here as the Civil War. By the time it was over, depending on which figures you go with, between 620,000 and 750,000 Americans were dead. That was back when the population of the nation was 31 million. If the same proportion of people were to die of combat and disease right now there would be 6.2 million fewer of us.

Of course the neo secessionists insist their withdrawal from the states united would be a peaceful one. A big bunch of them even signed a petition saying so. It has been forwarded to the white house for further review with 116,000 signatures. Boy that sounds like a lot doesn't it? A quick glance at the 2011 U.S. census bureau's estimate of the Texas population reveals that the state has 25,674,681 residents. Now I'm not a big math whiz, but simple subtraction tells me that leaves 25,558,681 people who haven't signed up for the trip. In addition some guy in Austin has started his own movement. His petition calls for Austin to secede from Texas if Texas secedes from the Union. He has 8,000 signatures.

I'm not sure how serious these clowns are. It is obvious though that what we have here is a gaggle of frustrated loons who still can't believe the republican party didn't win the presidency a few weeks ago. Barak Obama is the rusty nail they can't get out of their foot. He is the itch they can't scratch.

The conservative site admits that for every dollar Texans send to the IRS the state gets ninety-four cents of it back. Then again I suppose they wouldn't need it if they never sent it in the first place. Of course they might miss the $4 billion in federal research and development funds they get every year. I'm thinking they would probably miss the four naval air stations, the seven air force and twelve army bases and all the ensuing money they bring in. I didn't even try to look up how much federal money is spent on highways, lakes, dams and other infra structure. Then there is that social security money that would suddenly go missing as well as medicare, the border patrol, the postal service, NASA, and God knows what else. Galveston, I wouldn't count on a whole lot of help after the next big hurricane blows through.

Is this nonsense really going anywhere? Obviously it isn't. It is just a bunch of redneck hooligans venting and trying to draw attention to themselves. I suppose we should simply be grateful they're not burning crosses on the town green, although that could be coming. You never really know what will happen when the trailer park trash gets cooked on meth and runs amok.

Actually if you think about it long enough there is this terrible urge to agree with them. Let them secede and fend for themselves. At least it will reduce the number of republicans in the house and will raise the national IQ by a couple of dozen points.

In fact I should start a petition of my own, a nationwide one. It will say something along the lines of, "We the People of the United States of America want Texas kicked out of the Union. They're nothing but a bunch of arrogant assholes anyway and we'd be better off without them." Indeed. It is worth pondering.

E Pluribus without out 'em.

All in favor say aye.


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