Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Petraeus, Broadwell, Kelley, Allen and Some FBI Guy: Babes, Emails, and Scandals

I don't know what it is about us men. No matter what the career, no matter what the wealth, no matter how precious our marriages are to us, sometimes we meet some babe a third or half our age and all the blood immediately drains straight from our brains down to the little head between our legs. Judgement and caution are thrown to the winds for a tumble in the sack. Repercussions from such carnal stupidity and raw lust don't matter in that frenzied moment, or moments. All that counts is that she can, as Willie Nelson once said in a movie, "suck the chrome right off a trailer hitch."

The latest case in point is retired general and now former CIA Director David Petraeus. He was the hero of the Iraq and Afghanistan operations. He was the public face of those conflicts, the man with the plan as they say. In 2011 he had been appointed to run just about every U.S. intel op in the world as the chief U.S. spy. Now he has given it all up for a toss or two with some chippy named Paula Broadwell.

I will give it to the General, Ms. Broadwell is way out of a lot of dudes league. A South American hooker she is not. She was his biographer. She is forty, which makes her twenty years younger than Petraeus and is married with two sons of her own. She is also a graduate of the United States Military Academy, a reserve officer, and trained in military intelligence. In other words she not only looks darn good, but she also has brains. Which, of course, in the end, makes the whole thing even more of a train wreck. Both of them knew the risks and the consequences all too well.

Unfortunately there is more to this sordid affair than just the General fucking not only Broadwell, but his marriage and career. Apparently, for reasons known only to her, Broadwell became concerned about the intentions of one Jill Kelley. Kelley is a Tampa social butterfly who, with her husband, is friends with not only Petraeus, but several senior army officers.

At some point Broadwell allegedly began sending Kelley anonymous emails telling her to back off from her relationships with the director and the brass. The emails, as they progressed, are alleged to have become threatening in tone and included information about schedules and meetings of senior commanders that were unknown to the general public. According to reports Kelley became concerned and notified the FBI which initially began investigating the case on the grounds of internet stalking and bullying. It was only after tracking down Broadwell that they found romantic emails linking her to Petraeus.

Then comes the weird part, as if it needed to get any weirder. The FBI agent Kelley initially contacted was a family friend. He took the info to his superiors, However they eventually pulled him off the investigation. It was felt he had not only become obsessed with it, but they discovered he'd sent Mrs. Kelley some emails himself, ones that included photos of him sans shirt.

Petraeus is said to be shocked that Broadwell sent the emails. He has fessed up to his affair with her, but denies ever having hit on, or scored with Jill Kelley. However, Lord this gets complicated, it turns out the FBI uncovered over 20,000 documents and emails between Kelley and current U.S. commander in Afghanistan, General John Allen. NBC News is reporting that sources close to the investigation say some of the correspondence is "flirtatious" in nature. It also reports that Allen's nomination to be head of the U.S. European Command and NATO has been put on hold. Allen denies he did anything wrong. NBC says it isn't clear who was being "flirtatious."

Members of congress are expressing outrage, because honestly that is all they do any more. The FBI says they didn't notify either them or the president prior to November 6th because they hadn't found any evidence of a security breach in the emails. Apparently none of this had anything to do with the national well being, it was all just plain and simple sweaty humping.

Meanwhile, family friend and former Petraeus spokesperson, Steve Boylan is reported to have said Petraeus' wife of thirty-eight years, Holly, "is not too pleased." Oh you think? Does the name John Wayne Bobbitt ring a bell, General? I suggest you not fall asleep on the couch until all the cutlery is locked away and only you have the key. Odds are Mrs. Petraeus is on the phone right now with the former Mrs. Tiger Woods getting tips on the correct way to grip a one iron.

It never ceases to amaze that in this day and age these guys and women think they're going to get away with debauched behavior such as this. No one can keep a secret and the internet hasn't a shred of privacy. Although I suppose it is fair to say that thinking really didn't come into play at any point during what amounts to a ribald soap opera of epic proportions.

The mighty Petraeus has fallen and it looks as if there will be others to follow. It would seem all glory is indeed fleeting. Especially when you sell out to your own penis.

sic vita est


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