Sunday, March 1, 2015

The Birds Begin to Roost on the Playground Jungle Gym: CPAC 2015

Those angry, raucous, squawks you've been hearing for the last three days came from National Harbor, Maryland which is hard on the banks of the Potomac River. That's where the 2015 Conservative Political Action Conference was held.

This years gathering included over 3,000 delegates, a gaggle of cult personalities, and several wannabe presidents. The list of speakers was a line up of the usual suspects, ranging from the bizarre rube, Phil Robertson, to a completely out of place Jeb Bush.

Robertson, who was there to accept some sort of off the cuff freedom of speech award, spent some of his time on stage telling the crowd that sexually transmitted diseases are, "The revenge of the hippies." While that might seem a little off track, it is reported he did wind up in fine fashion by advocating the abolition of the IRS, the Environmental Protection Agency, and the Department of Education.

Bush spent much of his speech defending his record, but let's face it, the hard right edge of the republican party will never buy into anything that has to do with immigration reform, or common core education standards. Yes, you know you're in the wrong place when another speaker, radio personality, Laura Ingraham suggests you and the despised Hillary Clinton should run on the same ticket.

In a similar vein the crazed Canadian, Ted Cruz railed against, "squishy moderates" in a clear reference to everyone who isn't--well--Ted Cruz. It is unclear if Donald Trump, who was also in attendance, will demand that the Texas senator drop out of the race because of his well documented place of birth. After all, sometimes it's best to turn a blind eye to such inconveniences when a guy has the same political views and skin tone you do.

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker, who is the latest conservative bright light du jour, seemed to compare American union workers to Islamic State terrorists when he said, "If I can take on 100,000 protesters (in Wisconsin) I can do the same across the world." While sounding completely confident, in fact he even mentioned he was, no one is exactly sure how well the governor would have fared if those 100,000 Wisconsin union members had been a well armed, blood thirsty, gang of ex-cons and religious fanatics.

Not to be out muscled in the race to yet another war, Rick Santorum said we need to put 10,000 troops on the ground in order to defeat IS. It might have played well in the hall, but the odds are it's an idea which will have extremely limited appeal to a nation which is sick and tired of war.     

Finally the delegates voted in a presidential straw poll which Rand Paul  won with 26%. This isn't anything new. Senator Paul has won the CPAC vote three years running now. The union/terrorist buster, Scott Walker came in second with 21% while Cruz and Dr. Ben Carson tied with a little over 11% each. Jeb Bush pulled a mere 8%, but considering the demographics of the room--raging right wing Anglos who want to forcibly deport roughly 11 million people immediately--that's probably not bad.

While 2016 is still 10 months off, much like in the Hitchcock movie, all the birds have begun to roost on the playground jungle gym, their eyes gleaming darkly, as they wait to swoop down on the unsuspecting. This bunch is more than desperate to run the show and trust me, there isn't a felony on the books they aren't willing to commit in order to do so.

Ladies and gentlemen, it will get ugly next year. If we learned anything from the crude slugs and corrupt shills at CPAC this weekend it is that.

sic vita est


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