Saturday, July 27, 2013

Saturday Dispatches: San Diego's Mayor Gropesalot, Egypt On the Brink, and More Gunfire in Florida

Not to be out done by that two bit little deviant in New York City, San Diego mayor Bob Filner admitted earlier this week he is, perhaps, the dirtiest old man on the west coast. He also announced he would be entering into intensive behavioral therapy next month in order to curb his insatiable sexual urges.

The mayor apparently has been running amok for years, but it hasn't been until lately that women have come forward to accuse him of things like grabbing buttocks, groping, forced kissing, and sexually coarse comments. Right now the count stands at seven different individuals who say His Honor has all the subtlety of a sixth grader who has just learned what happens when he tugs repeatedly on his penis.

In fact Filner's adventures make the escapades of Anthony, Carlos Dangerous, Weiner seem so inconsequential you'd think Mr. Dangerous would give him a call thanking him from the bottom of his heart.

Obviously Bob Filner is a man of good taste. The women who have come forward so far include the president of the San Diego Port Tenants Association, a prominent business woman, the dean of San Diego State University's college of professional studies and fine arts, a San Diego school district psychologist, a political consultant, his own director of communications, and a retired Rear Admiral of the United States Navy. Yes, siree, no Facebook groupies there. This guy knew class when he saw it and tried to feel it up.

Mayor Filner's former communications director, Irene McCormack Jackson has brought a law suit contending she continuously had to fend off requests for kisses, outright sex, and the oh so smooth suggestion that she'd do her job better if she worked without wearing under ware.

On Thursday local democrats asked that he stand down. Their suggestion was seconded by Democratic National Committee chair, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.

Filner, who went before the press to say he was taking "responsibility for his actions," claims he will have twice daily updates on city affairs while he is locked away. He has refused to even mention the word resignation.

Yesterday, he attended a meeting of the San Diego Association of Governments. The topic of discussion was the South Bay transit project. NBC news reports the mayor, obviously bored by the lack of buttocks to grab, fell asleep during the proceedings.

Meanwhile in Egypt reports are that at least 100 have been killed and up to 5,000 injured in the last twenty-four hours. Hundreds of thousands of demonstrators and counter demonstrators have taken to the streets as the country continues it's seemingly inexorable slide into civil war. Former president, Mohammed Morsi is still in custody and authorities are now considering charging him with murder. The investigation centers on a purported jail break attempt in 2011 as the government of Hosni Mubarak was beginning to crumble. Prosecutors accuse Morsi of conspiring with Hamas in a plot that ended with the deaths of both prisoners and officials.

Muslim Brotherhood spokesman, Gehad El-Haddad called the charges, "...the fantasy of a few army generals and a military dictatorship."

More demonstrations will take place today as the violence between opposing sides escalates. The United States is officially concerned about the situation and while President Obama put the stop on a shipment of four F-16 fighters, the state department has yet to decide whether a military coup actually took place, or not.

Finally yesterday in Florida an unidentified man stood his ground and shot an apartment manager, her husband and three other people in the complex. He also killed a person who was across the street. Police speculate that final murder was committed just because the victim was within range. A SWAT team ended the rampage when they killed the gunman bringing the total body count to seven.

The only established motive at this time is that the shooter was bat shit crazy and was able to legally buy and carry a firearm.

Slate and @GunDeaths now say at least 6,590 Americans have been shot to death since the Newtown, CT murders last December. That number includes 130 children twelve and younger and 331 teenagers.

Freedom, as they say, is never free. Just ask 6,590 different American families.

And there we have it--things are simply more fun than a barrel of monkeys everywhere we go.

Just remember to watch out for flying chairs and you'll be fine.     

Mr. Scott, you have the con. I'll be in the bar.



No comments:

Post a Comment