About four fifths of every piece of mail I receive from the United States Postal Service is absolute crap. This deluge of wasted paper--God only knows how many trees these fuckers are killing--is invariably from people trying to sell me everything from hearing aids, to time shares in Florida, and increasingly, insurance policies which promise me my wife won't go broke when she has to bury my dead ass.
The last fifth consists of monthly bills. That's because I remain one of those atavistic sons of bitches who refuse to pay for anything, well, practically anything, on line, or through automatic bank withdrawals. Indeed, if I live long enough I might just end up being the last person in these United States to actually possess a check book, envelopes, and stamps.
It doesn't stop there. Nearly 50% of the calls I receive on my cell phone come from robotic creatures who tell me they have important information about my credit card account. Either that, or they are people with distinctly west African accents who warn me my computer's passwords have been compromised and if I'll just repeat those codes to them they'll make sure my pc will remain secure from hackers. Then there is my favorite. A voice, sometimes live, sometimes not, tells me the Treasury Department has charged me with fraud and if I don't make an immediate payment over the phone IRS agents are going to bust in my door and haul me away.
Honestly, I don't see this nonsense getting better anytime soon. In fact, a recent Washington Post article by, Hamza Shaban reports a company called First Orion predicts by next year 45% of all the calls you receive will be from scammers. In 2017 it was a mere 3.7%. This year it jumped to 29%.
The first thing one can gather from these growing numbers is there are a whole bunch of suckers out there. Let's face it, the only reason these ruthless monsters are multiplying like rats run amok on aphrodisiacs is because the market, as it could be called, is not only ripe for picking, but growing.
As Shaban points out, scammers know the lay of the current political landscape all too well. According to the story, recently members of immigrant communities have begun to receive calls from, "authorities," telling them they are in some sort of foggy legal trouble. They warn them if they don't immediately pay a fine they can expect a visit from those friendly folks at ICE.
And, now that it's Hurricane season the CEO of First Orion, Charles Morgan, says there will be a surge of calls from, "charities," appealing for donations to help the victims of Florence and other storms.
Of course, as always, there is more to these dire tales and predictions from First Orion than simple altruism. Morgan's company sells phone carriers and their customers caller ID and call blocking technology.
Yes, everyone is in it for a buck and since Shaban noted scammers constantly find ways to circumvent caller ID and call blocking, one has to wonder if Charlie Morgan and his outfit aren't, in their own way, part of the problem. After all, he might be selling a real product, but if it doesn't work and he knows it, isn't that a scam too?
Listen, about 99% of the time I just hang up on these grifters. Every now and then though I can't resist fucking with them. Like the time I told a Treasury Agent, "You're right, I did it, come and get me, I'll go quietly." The silence during the moment before I ended the call was deafening.
As for the ghouls who send me those burial insurance ads? Hey, like Rick once told Yvonne, "I never make plans that far in advance."
Besides, I'll be dead. I won't care.
9-21-18
A friend used to tell telemarkers that, if they would give him their home telephone number and time they would be eating dinner, he would call and talk about anything they wish.,
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