Monday, March 17, 2014

Madness in March: Russians Running Amok, Missing Planes, Sex Crazed Generals, No Drugs in Oklahoma, and at Long Last, Basketball

It hasn't been a pretty, or reassuring month so far. The world appears to be teetering on the verge of disaster and war. Buffoons, would be Tsars, and outright maniacs are in charge of governments, both large and small, across the globe. Planes disappear, generals think with their penises, and even the brute simple act of executing people is bungled in ways no would could have ever imagined.

In Crimea thousands of Russians are running amok and the Ukrainian government, such as it is, has called up 40,000 reservists. A vote of sorts was held on the peninsula yesterday and 96 plus percent of those who cast ballots were in favor of the region seceding from Ukraine and joining the Russian Federation. The sheer size of the majority immediately calls into question the legitimacy of the count. Let's face it, even in his heyday, Ted Kennedy couldn't put up a number that tall in Massachusetts and he was an institution so firmly entrenched he didn't have to actively campaign.

Meanwhile, the search continues for Malaysian Airlines flight 370. No one knows what happened and neither do they have a clue as to where it is. It is a mystery so befuddling to authorities they've been forced to admit the missing aircraft could be anywhere from Kazakhstan to points just north of Antarctica. As more time passes comparisons to the old Twilight Zone episode, "Odyssey of Flight 33" will begin to surface, not to mention theories of UFO abduction and secret military death ray tests. There can be no doubt the mad hatters of the conspiracy world are gathering their facts and putting together rock solid evidence of hidden agendas and black ops even as these words are typed.

General Jeffery Sinclair has gotten off the hook relatively speaking. NBC reports he has agreed to plead guilty to "mistreating an ex lover," whatever that means and some minor league violations. They are a far cry from the sexual assault charges originally brought against him. The general was initially accused of forcing a female captain in his Afghanistan command to give him blow jobs by threatening to harm her and her family.

In Oklahoma, prison officials have fessed up they can't find the drugs needed to carry out two executions on the 20th and 27th of this month. Oklahoma law has a proviso which says, if the state can't use lethal injections for this very reason, it can put the two guys up against a wall and shoot them. However, so far anyway, such a situation has never arisen. State authorities have admitted the two inmates could and, no doubt will, appeal if the firing squad option is decided on, indefinitely delaying both dates.

Yes, given what has gone down, there is a tremendous urge to escape to some deserted beach in Fiji. Then, as the surf rolls in over and over, lounge in the sand with the world's largest gin and tonic,  while tuning out all the nightmares, war, noise, and, insanity. Alas, the current state of personal financial affairs prohibits the trip.

But--there is, by God, the NCAA men's basketball tournament and with it a window of opportunity to let everything else slide. Yeah, screw the Russkies and everyone else for that matter. Fill out the brackets, bet the money, and watch nonstop the rest of the week.

As always there are a myriad of land mines and the dreaded curse of the Dukies remains a potent force. Krzyzewski and his gang always beat me like I'm a dumb beast. When I like them to go far, as I did last year, some band of hapless clods will turn into the fucking Miami Heat for one night and blow them out of the tournament. Decide they'll lose in the first round or two, they will, invariably, end up in the final four.

This year I went with a long shot and have Wichita State winning the championship. Why is it a long shot--after all the Shockers haven't lost a game. Well, that is precisely the reason. The last time a team went through the regular season and tournament undefeated was 38 years ago in 1976.

Hey, no guts, no glory. That's right, it might be time for another college basketball version of Secretariat.

So as businesses everywhere grind to a halt because the workforce is poring over brackets, match ups, and pages of stats instead of ordering widgets, keep in mind there are more important things in the world--but now is the time to ignore them.

Indeed, as we know all too well, the disasters, brutes, and predators aren't going to disappear. It is, in the end, the only sure bet in the field.

sic vita est


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