Friday, February 7, 2014

Friday Dispatches: Joe Biden Can't Count, No Do Overs in Tampa, and This Doesn't Look Like Sochi

Maybe it is something in the heating ducts--some unknown extraterrestrial spores that have caused at least a few of us to jump head first into the swirling and bottomless hole known as dementia.

First on the list is Joe Biden. The vice president told an interviewer he would wait until the summer of 2015 to decide whether to run for the democratic presidential nomination, or not. He added, there is, "no obvious reason not to run."

You gotta love the bravado, but Joe here are a couple of things you might want to consider. In the last national poll taken of democrats, over 70% said they would back Hillary Clinton and just 12% preferred you. It doesn't take a whiz in Vegas to figure those odds are pretty long. She also has the announced support of the largest democratic super pac which means her funds, while not unlimited, are going to make whatever you're able to either borrow, or steal look like chump change. All this begs the question, can Joe Biden count? 

Of course Mr. Biden's cruise into the fog bank pales in comparison to the bizarre safari Curtis Reeves has embarked upon. Reeves is a retired Tampa cop. He became really pissed off because a guy sitting in front of him in a theater was texting on his phone while the coming attractions were playing. To make sure that rude and unacceptable shit stopped in a hurry, Brother Reeves shot him to death.

The 20 year police veteran appeared in court today for a bail hearing. Four or five people spoke on his behalf, testifying under oath the defendant doesn't have any anger management issues and won't be a danger to anyone in the community.

Tell that to Nicole Oulson. She was wounded in the hand when Reeves squeezed off a round during the sudden and deadly confrontation. The same bullet that got her, killed her husband, Chad Reeves, the father of a three year old. He had been texting his child's baby sitter. According to Mrs. Oulson, "He (Reeves) confronted my husband several times, which my husband ignored, ignored, and ignored. And it just got to the point where my husband spoke up."

A tape of a police interview with Reeves was played where he claimed Oulson had struck him in the face and, "It scared the hell out of me. The guy was very aggressive."

Unfortunately no one else in the theater, including Reeves' wife, saw the alleged hay maker, although several witness believe Oulson might have tossed some popcorn at him. Vivian Reeves testified that while she didn't see a punch thrown, Mr. Oulson was leaning toward her husband and using a string of expletives. She also admitted, despite the language, Oulson did not make any threats.

Mrs. Oulson told the court that after the shooting Reeves sat back in his seat and didn't offer any assistance when others came to her husband's aid.

The police recording concluded with this observation from the shooter himself, "If I had it to do over again it would have never happened. But, you don't get do overs." No, you don't, especially if you're the now fatherless daughter and widow of Chad Oulson.

Reeves is charged with second degree murder and aggravated battery. He is pleading not guilty and because it is Florida, claiming he was acting in self defense. Well, why not? As we've seen, that argument has worked before.

Finally, in breaking news, some clown tried to hijack a passenger jet by claiming he had a bomb on board. He told the pilots he wanted to be flown to the Russian city of Sochi where the winter olympics are in full swing. The pilots told him, sure, we'll do that, then turned off the passenger monitors, and flew the goof straight to Istanbul, escorted by two Turkish F16s. Police took a Ukrainian man into custody and at last report were searching the plane for explosives.

So there we have it. Just another frozen February day involving dark skies, dirty snow, and a virulent strain of cabin fever which has apparently become highly contagious, not to mention wide spread. It is, in the end, the only possible explanation,

Luckily, the bar is open.


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