In America, unlike much of the rest of the world, we generally have a huge amount of time on our hands. That's because the vast majority of us don't have to worry about basics, like how we are going to score our next meal, or--unless you're in Flint, MI--a jug of clean water.
We're also a hysterical lot, given to wildly fixating on shit so completely outrageous it leads the rest of the world to consider us, at best, weird and at worst, out right nuts.
Think not? Eighteen plus years ago during the great Y2K scare one Eastern European was quoted as saying, "We don't have the time, or money to worry about things like that." Leading up to the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012 actual Mayans living in Belize had no idea why American TV programs were babbling about apocalyptic planetary alignments and deadly reversals of the magnetic poles based their ancient math, astronomy and religion.
The internet hasn't helped this tendency of Americans to trip off into obsessive nonsense. Two years ago, for a month, or so, it seemed the entire nation was captivated to a disturbing degree over the color of a dress posted on line. Was it black and blue, or white and gold? For a few days the media coverage of the damned thing competed with news coming out of places like Afghanistan and Iraq where U.S. troops were fighting and far too often dying.
The latest internet rage is an audio version of that dress. It is the Yanny/Laurel conundrum. It began when young Cloe Feldman of California re posted an Instagram from a vocabulary project of Katie Hetzel done through Vocabulary.com.
No I'm not going to provide a link to it. Go find it yourself, it won't be hard. Needless to say my wife and I took the brief test. When the robo voice repeated a word several times I clearly heard it say, Yanny over and over. She shook her head then told me, "I don't know what you're listening to, because it is saying Laurel." A brief, but intense debate ensued which involved questions of not just hearing, but sanity. It has yet to be resolved.
The not so serious argument, however did bring me to a moment of perfect clarity. Between the color of the dress and the audio of the mysterious word it dawned on me why American politics are in the state they are today. In that brilliant flash I realized the gruesome thug in the Oval Office and his baying supporters are sensory mutants. They look and listen to the exact same things the rest of us do while seeing and hearing utterly different stuff.
Members of Black Lives Matter take to the streets protesting police brutality and the indiscriminate shooting of young unarmed black men by authorities. The right wing wankers who voted for El Don listen to them and what they hear are the same people saying something like, "First kill the cops, then all the white people."
To this day, Donald John Trump claims he saw thousands and thousands of Muslims celebrating the destruction of the World Trade Center in New Jersey. Those of us with functioning brains saw the same news broadcast, but we witnessed hundreds of Palestinians dancing around, not in Paterson, or any where else in Jersey, but rather the Gaza Strip, which is a tad east of the Garden State.
When The Big Orange Guy announced he was running for president he said Mexico was sending us their drug dealers, murderers, rapists, and he assumed, a few good people. What the rest of us heard was--oh wait--we all heard exactly that. Then the fucker became president. Sorry, bad example.
Yes, given the all consuming desire to see and hear whatever fits their view of the world the ultra right came up with FOX News. Now we are still marveling at a presidential advisor who spoke of alternative facts with a straight face while her boss howled like werewolf that the only reason he lost the popular vote in 2016 was because three million, or so illegal aliens were able to cast ballots.
She saw the largest inauguration crowd in the history of the republic despite photos and film proving otherwise. He claimed he survived a crude attempt to steal, or at least delegitimize his election by the very people he demonized without an iota of proof any such conspiracy took place.
And oh, on that deadly day in Charlottesville there were some good Nazis in the streets too.
My God, it must be such a comfort to the rest of the planet knowing we have the world's largest stockpile of nuclear weapons.
Indeed.
See you in the bar. I'll be the one with the double martini.
5-17-18
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