Thursday, March 16, 2017

Ralph Shortey Checks Into a Motel and Out of the Oklahoma State Senate

Oh how far the arrogant fall.

According to his official Oklahoma state senate bio Ralph Shortey represents senate district 44. It stretches from the lower northwest corner of Oklahoma City down as far as SW 89th St, which serves as the line between Oklahoma and Cleveland Counties. The brief biography also tells us the republican senator is a member of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe, was born in Casper, Wyoming, and moved to the OKC suburb of Moore, where he attended high school.

After graduating he attended Heartland Baptist College in Oklahoma City. His aim was to do mission work in Uganda. However before he could grab a flight to Kampala he married his high school sweetheart and they had two kids together. Rather than jet off to Africa, Shortey stayed around, beginning a career in the oil and gas industry as he started to dabble in local politics. He was first elected to the state senate in 2010 and during the past presidential election he was Don Trump's county coordinator.

Despite all that from 2010 until lately he stayed pretty much under the radar. He was, in fact, just another right wing wanker lost in a brackish pond full of right wing wankers. Then came early February and the sexual adventures of fellow senator Dan Kirby, R-Tulsa. Kirby resigned from the senate because of an affair he'd had with a senate aide. However, after consulting Ralph Shortey, among others, he called off his resignation and claimed the affair--which included trips to strip joints and the receipt of topless photos from the female assistant--was a perfectly legal relationship between two consenting adults.

The senate disagreed and Kirby's ass was kicked to the curb.

Around the same time Shortey made it public he was putting together legislation which would nullify two state questions the voters had approved in November. The questions, which passed easily, would cause some drug crimes to be reclassified from felonies to misdemeanors and at the same time set up a system of county rehab centers that would house and treat low level drug offenders so they could avoid jail time.

When asked by the media why he was attempting to usurp the will of Oklahoma voters, Shortey answered, "Because people didn't understand what they were voting for."

Well maybe not, but what people do understand is Ralph Shortey's senate career and quite possibly his marriage began to collapse on March 9th. That was the day Moore police knocked on the door of a Super 8 motel room on I-35. Inside they found Shortey, a 17 year old boy, a backpack containing lotion and an open package of condoms, all accompanied by the overwhelming smell of marijuana.

According to the OKC paper, The Oklahoman, yesterday, the state senate acted unanimously to suspend all of the senator's privileges. That includes access to his office and his personal parking space at the capitol. In addition Shortey isn't allowed to buy any office supplies, his only aide has been reassigned, he cannot sponsor any bills, and he must return his state provided laptop computer.

In other words, he is fucked.

If there was any doubt of it, earlier today the Cleveland County D.A. charged the soon to be former senator with, "engaging in child prostitution," "transporting a minor for purposes of prostitution," and "engaging in prostitution within 1,000 feet of a church." There is no word, yet, on any drug charges. The report in The Oklahoman says Shortey is refusing to answer calls, or respond to texts.

Well, who can blame him? These sort of things truly are difficult for people to understand. Especially if you're a Christian evangelical who believes the Ralph Shortey's of the nation are leading Oklahoma and America back to the greatness their God applauds.

In the meantime, as I write, Princeton could not pull off a win against Notre Dame and my first upset special in the NCAA men's basketball tournament went down in flames. It was an inauspicious start, but a minor bump in what is turning into--at the moment--a good day.

Hey, who needs these closeted ultra conservative types who preach righteousness and law and order while practicing hedonistic rituals that make Roman Polanski and those degenerates in the Bohemian Club blush?

That's right, screw 'em.

Now, let's get back to West Virginia vs. Bucknell and our immediate financial future. It is, after all, what we professionals do.


sic vita est


1 comment:

  1. For as far back as I can remember, it has disturbed me at how many political and business leaders in our country wind up on the wrong side of the law for one reason or another. Now this is something that CANNOT be blamed on Obama! (Or Trump, for that matter).