Friday, March 8, 2013

Rand Paul Blows Long, Flags at Half Staff in Houston, The Marxist U.S. Economy, Rodman in North Korea, and Casualties Mount

Well you have to give it to Rand Paul. No one has said so much, for so long, about what has been called by John McCain a "totally unfounded point."

Paul filibustered in the senate for twelve or thirteen hours with a little help from his friends this week in order to protect you and me from being struck down by a drone missile remotely piloted by Barak H. Obama himself.

Supposedly the Jr. Senator from Kentucky was trying to force the administration into some sort of earth shaking concession that it would not blow up American citizens while they drink cappuccinos in American cafes. It is an analogy the Senator used several times. This was to counter the administration's contention that U. S. forces could and would deploy drones to target Americans on U.S. soil in extraordinary circumstances that pose an imminent threat to National security. 

In other words if you're headed toward the capitol building with a fucking bazooka and are intent on using it, we reserve the right to take your ass out right then and there. If you're just sitting around talking about the Knicks-Thunder game last night, we'll leave you alone. That fine point was apparently lost on Senator Paul. When Attorney General Eric Holder shrugged his shoulders and said no, the federal government wouldn't kill U.S. citizens who aren't imminent threats, Paul immediately began running around town screaming he'd won a great victory for American civil liberties and the constitution.

Senator Paul was doing this in order to hold up the confirmation of John Brennan as Director of the CIA. It was a nomination he admitted he didn't have the votes to stop. He was aided and abetted in this useless political theater by Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who was last heard claiming the Harvard Law School faculty was rife with communists. Senator Cruz read passages from Shakespeare's play "Henry the V" and the movie "Patton." Marco Rubio chimed in with references to rappers Jay-Z and Wiz Khalifa. It is not known if Senator Rubio made a quick and desperate dive for a bottle of water, or not. It is known, however that Brennan was confirmed yesterday.

McCain took to the floor and called all the histrionics, "a political stunt used to fire up impressionable libertarian kids in their dorm rooms." South Carolina republican Senator, Lindsey Graham said he found "the whole question offensive."

Meanwhile thousands upon thousands of Venezuelans, who U.S. Representative Tom Cotton referred to as oppressed, have taken to the streets in unabashed grief as they mourn the passing of Hugo Chavez, otherwise known as The Commandante. In Houston, at the corporate offices of CITGO, flags, including the American one, were flying at half staff provoking some angry phone calls to the energy company's phone bank. CITGO is owned by the Venezuelan national oil company proving once again that as much as we say we hate socialists, we're more than willing to sell out to them to make a quick buck for the shareholders. Lets face it, idealism sounds great, but profit is the bottom line here.

In New York the stock market has reached a record high. The jobless rate is also reported to have fallen to its lowest point in four years. This leaves one to contemplate the progress of the economy if we hadn't re-elected a president who Tea Party trolls claim is communist/socialist/marxist/foreign born son of a bitch.

In international news, Dennis Rodman has returned from North Korea where he hung out with his new best buddy Kim Jong Un. Rodman, the master and yet strangely unemployed diplomat, referred to Kim as great guy and said the North Korean leader wanted President Obama to give him a call. Shortly after Rodman left, the "great guy" threatened a pre-emptive nuclear strike against either South Korea, the U.S. or both.

And finally @GunDeaths and Slate reports that as of yesterday at least 2,517 Americans have been shot to death since, Adam Lanza went a little funny in the head last December.That number includes 45 children who never reached the age of thirteen.

But we're free. Thank God Almighty we're free.

Mr. Sulu you have the helm.


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