Damn the Balloons, Full Speed Ahead

 

Watch the skies. Watch the skies.

Reporter Ned, "Scotty," Scott, from the 1951 Howard Hawkes' production, "The Thing from Another World."

Although we haven't found a seven foot tall, blood drinking alien near the North Pole, like the intrepid band of Americans did in the Hawkes' movie, Scotty's dire warning at the end of the film suddenly seems apropos.

So much so, after four high to mid altitude balloons, one of them confirmed Chinese, have been shot down over North American airspace in a little over a week, American authorities felt compelled to assure citizens none of them were of extraterrestrial origin. While on the surface it might seem silly to have to issue such a statement one has to remember the natives here are not only a tad superstitious, but also prone to mass hysteria. Especially when it comes to anything even remotely conspiratorial.

Let's face it, the nation went bat shit crazy a generation ago over what was known as Y2K. Then again when the Mayan calendars was nearing December 21, 2012. There are entire cable networks heavily populated with ghosts, ghost hunters, ancient aliens, unsolvable mysteries, and Big Foot sightings. Indeed, America is full of people desperately in search of an apocalypse.

Well raptures aside, the military's explanation for this sudden rash of unidentified balloons is simple. "We're finding more, because we've started looking for them." That's right, the entire U.S. air defense system has been geared for fast moving fixed wing and ballistic aircraft. No one ever considered slow moving balloons a threat. According to one military spokesman filters on radar systems nation wide had to changed out in order to better define their radar profiles.

Unlike the first balloon, which the Chinese readily admitted was theirs, no one has claimed the other three, smaller ones. Those days are probably past us now. One was shot down off the north coast of Alaska and crashed onto sea ice. Another ended up in the wilds of the Canadian Yukon. The third currently rests at the bottom of Lake Huron. Technically they all remain Unidentified Flying Objects. Or, as crypto scientists refer to them these days, Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon, or UAPs. 

Why any interstellar aliens would launch balloons into the earth's atmosphere when presumably they have technology which is more advanced--hey, they had to get here from way out there--is unknown.

Of course space aliens are an inscrutable lot. The one in the aforementioned, "The Thing from Another World was a highly evolved vegetable who just happened to lust for earthling blood. Not to mention he was an ill tempered bastard who was impervious to gunfire.

The good news, however, was despite all those distressing traits, the beast in the movie showed no interest in launching balloons.

So be of good cheer, America. We have deflated the enemy, whoever it is, every time we've met him. And our skies remain true blue.

Or, in other words, damn the balloons, full speed ahead.

2-14-23