Here is what we know for sure about FBI Director, Kash Patel. In 2025 he used government owned jets, presumably at taxpayer expense, on a trip to Scotland to play a round or two of golf with pals. That same year he used the jet on a couple of occasions to fly down to a Texas hunting lodge. In addition, he used it to wing his way to Pennsylvania in order to see his main squeeze, Alexis Wilkins perform. When questioned about the use of the FBI owned and operated aircraft for these exotic excursions Patel's response was something along the lines of, "FBI Directors have lives too."
In January of this year Patel used the same jet to attend the Olympics in Italy. Specifically, he was there to watch the U.S. men's hockey team win the gold medal. Afterward he showed up in the team's locker room and partied hearty with them--chugging and spraying beer and jumping around as if he had been on the ice with them. There is no denying his behavior in that moment, it is all on tape. Everyone who saw it witnessed the Director of the FBI swilling beer while acting like a 20-something jock gone wild.
Apparently, everything just mentioned is minor shit compared to the real weirdness going on with the head of the FBI. A few days ago, Sarah Fitzpatrick wrote a piece in The Atlantic titled, "The FBI Director is MIA." If you believe her story, it could have been called, "The FBI Director is DUI."
According to Fitzpatrick's article, among other episodes, there were a number of times last year when meetings that included Patel had to be delayed until later in the day. The reasons were to let him sleep off wild drunken nights or at least semi-recover from massive hangovers. She wrote her sources were, "six current and former officials and others familiar with Patel's schedule..."
She also reported that last year Patel locked himself into an office and remained unavailable and un-responsive for hours. At least long enough that agents were forced to request, "breaching equipment." You know, the kind of gear SWAT teams use to batter down doors so they can get to hostages, or suspects. Fitzpatrick cited "multiple sources familiar with the request."
Then came April 10th this year. For those not aware, one of the various prizes found at the bottom of vodka bottles, especially for people with high profile jobs is paranoia. On that date, Patel, for unknown reasons, wasn't able to login to an internal DOJ computer system. He immediately panicked. He jumped on the phone, "frantically," calling aides and friends utterly convinced he had been locked out of the system on purpose. He told them all he had just been fired by the White House. It was simply a minor glitch, or repeated typo on his part. The White House hadn't fired him--at least not yet. Two of Fitzpatrick's nine sources described the Director's behavior as, "a freak-out."
Actually, the Director might have valid reasons to be worried about his job. Kristi Noem has been gone for a while now and yesterday, the Secretary of Labor, Lori Chavez-DeRemer was shown the door. Reports are Chavez-De Remer ran her corner of the bureaucracy similar to the way Ghislaine Maxwell ran Jeffrey Epstein's island. While her husband and father were openly hitting on young female staffers the Secretary was knocking back copious amounts of hooch and telling the staffers to do, "whatever they tell you." It all begs the question, Where did the President find this woman, at Caligula's swimming pool? Well, that and, what in God's name must New Years Eve be like at the Chavez-DeRemer house?
Let's get back to Kash Patel though. The head of the FBI is now suing The Atlantic and Fitzpatrick for defamation, while demanding boat loads of cash from both. To win his case he will have to prove Fitzpatrick knowingly lied--and The Atlantic knew she was lying--in order to specifically damage him personally and professionally. Prior to the trial the agency will have to provide the defense with any and all records pertaining to the alleged incidents. During it the layers for The Atlantic and Fitzpatrick will be able to call witnesses, put them under oath and ask them some pointed questions about Patel's behavior. All of which led MSNOW's Lawrence O'Donnell to predict that even if a judge let the suit go to trial--which he doubted--Patel would drop the complaint rather than face damning testimony.
We'll see. Meanwhile Kash Patel leads a bureau woefully undermanned thanks to his fealty to the Mad King. Career agents and administrators have either quit or been removed because they were deemed dis-loyal. Others have been reassigned to help deport anyone with a Hispanic accent. And a few, if Sarah Fitzpatrick is right, spend a lot of their time trying to shake the agency's director out of drunken stupors.
All of which begs a final question. Where the fuck is J. Edgar Hoover when you actually need him?
4-21-26