Revisiting the Lost Girls Fifteen Years Later

 Fifteen years ago, three young women in the Oklahoma City area died violent deaths within in a single month that spanned early October and early November. First, on October 13th, the partially dismembered body of 19-year-old Carina Saunders was found in an empty lot behind a suburban Bethany, OK grocery store. Second, on October 28th, Kelsey Bransby, also 19 was found shot in her southwest OKC apartment. Then finally, on November 9th, 17-year-old, Alina Fitzpatrick's nude body was discovered in far eastern Oklahoma City. At the time, while trying to be grimly witty, I dubbed it, "The Autumn of the Lost Girls. "

The death of Ms. Saunders garnered the most press for a couple of reasons. It was the most spectacularly gruesome of the three. Indeed, nothing gets the public engaged like decapitation, missing hands and feet, and a back story which includes an attractive young woman sinking into the dark world of drugs, possible sex trafficking, and savage street gang violence. Not to mention that the Bethany Police Department, who took the lead in the case had decided to conduct their investigation on the front page of the daily newspaper and on the six o'clock news of every television outlet in town. 

The names of witnesses and potential witnesses became public knowledge almost as fast as the Bethany cops talked to them. Rumors and clues grew into lurid urban myth, and the names of suspects came and went. By the time the OSBI--itself not exactly the FBI of Inspector Erskine--was handed the investigation, witnesses were recanting and suspects were being released due to a shocking lack of real evidence. It didn't take long for all of them to head for parts unknown. To this day there is a $50,000 reward for information leading to the unknown killer, or killers of Carina Saunders.

Kelsey Bransby's death resulted from a druggy get together with her friends, Danielle Cooley and Cole Hopper. While stoned, Hopper was fooling around with a handgun when he, accidently shot Ms. Bransby in the face. Instead of sticking around to help, both Hopper and Cooley fled the apartment, leaving their, "friend," to bleed out. In 2024, Cooley, who had previously been listed at the Taft, OK women's facility, was doing time at a DOC locale Oklahoma City. She had been popped once again, this time down in McClain County, and her release date is unknown.

Hopper has been in and out ever since the shooting. In 2024 he stole an RV from a lot in OKC where he had once worked, then led police on a 10-mile chase through Oklahoma City before running the RV off into a drainage ditch. His most recent arrest earned him the dubious title of Career Felon.  The media's list of his crimes began with manslaughter. Kelsey Bransby's name wasn't mentioned.

Alina Fitzpatrick disappeared on November 4h. Her parents immediately reported her missing. (Unlike Saunders' family, who didn't say anything for close to two weeks after she went into the wind.) Her nude body was found on November 9th in a lot by a woman and her adult son who were there taking a look at some land the mother owned. Her body had fresh scrapes and bruises, but, as the OKC police later said, none of them were serious enough to cause her death. There was also what has been described as the remains of a gag stuffed in her mouth. In addition, the state medical examiner discovered an amount of meth in her body that might or might not have proven fatal for a woman her size and age. Her cause of death is officially listed as, "undetermined." The OKC police do not classify it as a homicide, but rather as suspicious. 

One source close to the investigation said the police consider Alina Fitzpatrick's death an overdose and have, "little confidence," it will ever be solved. A few years ago, an anonymous comment in this blog claimed the cops knew who killed Alina Fitzpatrick and that person was in jail on other charges. The comment remains unsubstantiated. 

If they had lived Carina Saunders and Kelsy Bransby would both be 34 years old. Although given her lifestyle the odds of Saunders making it out of her 20s seem remote. (Her family claims she had dreams of becoming an opera singer. Friends said she had bragged about becoming a porn star.) Of the three, Alina Fitzpatrick seemed the most likely to have survived into her 30s and become successful one way or the other. Although, in truth, even she had apparently started teasing fate. (The night she vanished, she was dropped off by friends at an unnamed apartment complex halfway across town from her home. Her phone was turned off a short time later. She had also been complaining of recently receiving disturbing calls from a mysterious man and talked about changing her number.) This year she would have been 32. 

I have been asked why I keep revisiting that terrible autumn. I have no clear answer for it. Perhaps it's because all this occurred right as I started this blog and I was as transfixed as everyone else by the series of ghastly murders--for a few weeks there was talk this burg had a genuine serial killer on its hands. Carina Saunders and Kelsey Brandsby were in in the same high school together, although there was no evidence they ever hung out, or even knew each other. The police were quick to snuff out the theory and Cole Hopper and Danielle Cooley proved them right to do so. 

Maybe I knew that everyone, except families and friends, would soon forget about all about the three victims and the cruel circumstances of their deaths. Americans, after all, like our horror real, but over with quickly. We can probably thank 24-hour news cycles for aiding and abetting our utter lack of an attention span, but it goes beyond that. Most of the time we just get bored of the same crime and names and want to move on to new outrages. Maybe I'm just one of those fading romantics who think, Hey, we need to remember the deaths of these women because we need to remember they existed. No matter how flawed, they were here. They were part of us.

Or as, John Donne put it so eloquently, although decidedly un-PC, a long time ago: 

Any man's death diminishes me, 

Because I am involved with mankind,

And therefore never send to know for who the bell tolls; 

It tolls for thee.  

10-23-26

Desperation, Crude Denigration, and Over the Top Fear Mongering on the GOP Campaign Trail

 Former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Thomas P. Tip O'Neill once said, "All politics is local." Donald Trump and the wholly owned subsidiary of The Trump Organization, known as the American republican party, don't really adhere to O'Neill's adage. To them it's more like, "All politics is personal." In other words, rather than tell voters what they have done and will do to improve their lives, it is preferable to call the opposition all sorts of derogatory names and scare the beejeezus out of the base with absolutely crazy shit. 

Indeed, fear and hate are much easier sells than explaining policy and detailing paths forward, especially when you really don't give a rat's ass about anyone but yourself. And let's face it, when you've screwed the pooch as epically as Trump and his band of sycophants have, talking about what you've actually done seems a tad counterproductive. 

This past Saturday organizers put together another round of, "No Kings Day," protests nationwide. On Saturday there were 3,000 No Kings rallies held across all 50 states. While there weren't any official head counts, most estimates put the total number of people participating in the millions. However, the numbers didn't matter to the right-wing propaganda machine at FOX News. On the program, "The Big Weekend Show," panelists were more interested of the demographics of the protesters. FOX contributor and New York Post columnist, Miranda Devine said, "All you have is really baby boomers who are reliving their misspent youth as hippies and protesters, and they have nothing better to do, clearly." 

Then Devine added, "And maybe they don't have any relationships with their grandchildren and children, or maybe they never had children. They just seem like demented elderly people who are very angry and the one thing that really drives them is their complete and utter hatred of Donald Trump." As a coda, Devine described the protests themselves as a, "very ugly look." 

Another panelist, Toni Lahren declared, "Does that really get out the vote when you see a bunch of geriatric grandparents out there with signs about how much they hate Donald Trump?" Lahren's final analysis was, "I know this gets some people out--the people who have not a lot of friends and they need to have something to do on a Saturday."

That's pretty bold, not to mention, ironic talk coming from people defending an 80-year-old guy who looks and sounds pretty fucking demented himself a lot of the time. 

From there we go to a rally in Kansas meant to bolster the struggling campaign of incumbent republican Senator, Roger Marshall. Donald J. Trump, the Big Kahuna himself told the crowd, "If you want to see what is at stake in this election just look at what is happening in France--a once great nation that is being conquered, looted, and burned to the ground by migrants, jihadists, and communists who hate Christianity." Then to make sure the rubes were able to connect the dots he told rally-goers, "When you see burning steeples and raging fires in France just remember that is what the radical democrats want to do to America." 

It might be worth noting a couple of things here. First, Marshall's opponent, Adam Hamilton is the senior pastor of the United Methodist Church of the Resurrection in a Kansas City suburb--not exactly a typical hangout of jihadists and communists. Second, Kansans might elect a democrat to the U.S. Senate for the first time in over 90 years thanks to the whole, politics is local thing. 

This past Friday, the President told a crowd in Georgia, "I mean we have five states where your child goes off to school as Tim and comes back as Tammy three or four days later. It's true. And teachers--somebody makes a decision." He then said, "Can you imagine? They don't even need approval. It's sick. You'll have five--I think Minnesota and some others--I think its five or six states. You know that, right?"

Anna Arkin of the Minnesota Department of Education told the media the accusation was, "Unequivocally false," although she shouldn't have had to. CNN reports the White House has never provided a single example of such a thing happening and that when asked for proof, other right-wing organizations refused to even respond.  The philosophy, one supposes, being, hey, all we have to do is say it, we don't have to prove it.   

  Yes, the electorate ready to make its decision in two weeks and the Trump owned GOP reeks of desperation. Obviously, they've decided it's time to fall back on the tried and true--crude denigration and over the top fear mongering. Well, why not?  God only knows, it has worked before. 

All of which leads us to another quote from old Tip--one which the GOP and Donald Trump have learned the hard way. "It's easier to run for office than it is to run the office."

Amen, brother.

10-20-26

The American Horror Show Visits Bend, Oregon

 Yesterday out in Bend, Oregon somewhere between 400 and 450 students showed up for classes at Silver Rail Elementary School. A little after one pm so did a 16-year-old kid armed with what is currently being described as a long gun. The type of long gun hasn't been specified yet, although one outlet described it as being a shotgun. Whatever the case, the intruder, faced with locked doors, used his weapon to shoot his way inside. he killed three students, aged 5, 8, and 11 and a teacher. In addition, he shot another student and teacher who are both listed as critically wounded. The gunman was then killed by a man variously being called a bystander and Good Samaritan. 

Does any of that horror show sound familiar? It should. According to Education Week as of Oct. 5th there had been 24 school shootings in the United States. CNN, on the other hand claims that through Sept. 23rd there had been 42. (It keeps changing slightly, depending on the talking head.) The reason for the difference is gruesomely simple. Education Week's stat includes shootings in K-12 schools and only those in which children were either killed or wounded. CNN counts not just Ki-12, but also college campuses and shooting incidents that didn't actually kill or wound anybody. 

So, pick the size of your nightmare, America--it is, all yours no matter which you choose. 

As always, in the immediate aftermath the details are few and far between. (There is a news conference scheduled for this afternoon which will provide a few more, but probably not any definitive answers on why--well, other than the shooter was nuts.) The only things we know right now about the killer are his age and that he lived in Bend. Neither of those two things are surprising. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were seniors at Columbine High School when they opened fire. Nikolas Cruz was 19 when he began pulling the trigger at Marjory Stone Douglas in Parkland, FL. Salvador Ramos was 18 in Uvalde, TX.  Adam Lanza, the oldest of the gruesome bunch, was 20 when he showed up at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, CT. All of them were locals. 

All we know about the, "Good Samaritan," at the moment, other than he might be a student's dad, is he followed the shooter into the school and killed him. with a handgun. Although, on second thought, one supposes that does prove he is a lot braver than all those fat bellied Texas cops who stood around outside Robb Elementary in Uvalde while young Mr. Ramos continued his murder spree. 

Since it is illegal for a 16-year-old to buy a long gun in Oregon it is safe to assume the killer either stole the murder weapon or one his parents owned it. And since it is the 21st century we can also assume he left some sort of digital record of his grievances either real or imagined and possibly his plans. Unless, like Adam Lanza, he anticipated an electronic search and destroyed the hard drives on his devices. In any event the media has said a search of his home began last night. 

What comes next will be a continuation of post tragedy behavior that's predictable, politically driven, and amazingly short lived. In America our outrage and horror are real but never lasts long. We generally have the attention span and patience of gnats. Some on the left will scream about all the guns. Many on the right will point to the thread bare NRA adage, "Only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun," and say it was proven at Silver Rail Elementary. Even though in this case the good guy didn't immediately stop the bad guy. That's right, while many may celebrate the abbreviated body count, others are burying their dead babies and beloved family member.  The heroism displayed doesn't ease their pain. Nothing anyone says, has done or will do can.

The truth is that the guns aren't going away. There are simply too many of them and the pro-gun lobby is too strong. The trouble is crazy people aren't going away either. The big question is, how do we keep the two apart. If someone has a suggestion, please put it on the table immediately. And while you do I have second question. Would all the gun aficionados out there who like to cite the second amendment as they oppose any sort of gun ownership restrictions please tell me--exactly which, "well regulated militia," do you serve with? 

10-16-26

Kimberly Guilfoyle's Lesson on the Calvera Principle

 Here are some things we know about Kimberly Guilfoyle. First, the suddenly former U.S. Ambassador to Greece prefers her men to be both rich and famous. She was married to Gavin Newsom for five years, the last two while he was Mayor of San Francisco. She then married the CEO of what has been described as am interior and production design company named, Eric Villency. (Not a name readily recognized which probably explains why it only lasted three years.) Later, she was Donald Trump Jr's main squeeze and fiancée for six. 

Second, she likes to spend money. Anyone who can rack up a $100,000 debt on an American Express Card, apparently without a clue how she is going to pay for it, must. 

Third, when it comes to corruption, she is about as subtle as one of those, Nigerian dudes on the prowl for your bank account number. 

According to various reports, prior to her confirmation hearing in the Senate last year, Guilfoyle contacted Kentucky attorney, Eric Deters pleading with him to cover the 100 grand tab. The Wall Street Journal reports one message read in part, "Honey please I need you to get this done for me today." Deters' initial response was, "I can't do this without getting a divorce." Proving she probably really did owe the money Guilfoyle told him, "You could send it there. It won't show up anywhere if you wire the money to American Express that's all that will show. Please." 

The Washington Times writes Ms. Guilfoyle promised Deters, among other things, to use her connection in the Trump administration to help with the issues he was having with the IRS and the Department of Justice. In addition, she was willing to make sure Deters had access to senior Trump officials on other matters. Other reports say Deters not only wanted help with the tax problems but also wanted her to score him a spot on Tucker Carlson's podcast and to send a song he had written to Kid Rock. Kimberly Guilfoyle's lawyer vehemently denied practically everything Deters has said.  However, there is no denying the message she sent to Deters which in part read, "...one of my guys, Julio is meeting with Billy and or Faulkner for IRS. I can get you in for a meeting on the matter we discussed please get back to me ASAP." 

Once in Greece, the new American Ambassador is reported to have hooked up one way, or another with a Greek lobbyist, Christos Marafatsos. He was at so many high-level meetings with her some foreign officials thought he was her chief of staff.  

All this broke because of Eric Deters. After a series of messages to Guilfoyle wanting to know why she hadn't come through for him--on anything--she responded that he needed to stop writing about their deal, or it would get her fired. Deters then went what is commonly referred to as ape shit. He ran straight to the national media, raging publicly about Guilfoyle's personal treachery. 

The end of the sordid little saga didn't take long. The story broke last week and earlier today it was reported the White House had made Kimberly Guilfoyle the offer she couldn't refuse. Seemingly within minutes she had resigned.

In the original version of the film, The Magnificent Seven, the Mexican bandit, Calvera tells a story about how he once robbed a bank in Texas. "The American government sent, a whole army to get me. A whole army. One little bank. In Texas only Texans can rob banks." The same principle is applicable here. In Trumpistan only Trumps can brazenly sell access to Trump stuff. 

Well, hey, we don't want to sink into anarchy, do we?

10-13-26

Yvonne St. Cyr Wants Her Money Back

Big protest in D.C. on January 6th. Be there, will be wild.

A tweet by President Donald J. Trump, December 19th, 2020.

Yes, by the 19th of December in 2020 the ceiling was crashing down all around Donald Trump. He had lost the Presidential election a little over a month before and he simply couldn't accept it. He and some of his state level stooges were shopping for a judge who would overturn the election or at least gum up the works so badly there would be utter chaos. Advisors from outside the administration were urging him to seize voting machines and ballots, but his Justice Department would have none of it. Plots to send, "alternate electors," from states he lost were feeble and awash in confusion. His proposal for a second election, a Presidential mulligan as it were, was met with widespread derision. Plus, the Vice President, Mike Pence was balking at tanking the electoral college final tabulation.   

Increasingly, it appeared the only course of action available to Trump was to have his supporters take to the streets on the day of the certification to strong arm both Congress and Pence to overturn the results. 

On the 6th, prior to the violence, Trump told a rowdy crowd of supporters, "...you'll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength, and you have to be strong." One of his attorneys, former New York City Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, went further. He told the crowd, "Let's have trial by combat."  

Somewhere in the crowd listening to all this was a woman from Idaho named, Yvonne St. Cyr. The tweets and speeches inspired her so much, that she, along with assorted Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, the QAnon Shaman, and other like-minded fans of Donald Trump stormed the U.S. Capitol building. It has been reported she entered the building through a broken window. While it is unclear if she was the one who actually broke it out, there is a clear photo of her attempting to help a fellow insurrectionist get in through the empty window frame.   

Thanks to her own phone photos and those of others she was later arrested. She was found guilty of two felony counts of civil disorder and according to NBC News, "several misdemeanors." However, before her sentencing she took to her Facebook live stream and predicted it would never get that far, because "The truth will come out." She also told her audience, "This shit's going to blow up. So just keep watching Tucker (Carlson), keep speaking the truth, keep talking about the corruption, keep sharing, and we will bring the system down." Then, presumably much to her dismay and surprise, the judge gave her 30 months in the slammer, 36 months of supervised probation, and ordered her to pay $2,000 in restitution. 

During her sentencing hearing Ms. St Cyr reminded everyone she had taken an oath to defend the Constitution as a member of the military. In addition, she used her difficult upbringing, and radio frequencies to explain her state of mind and one supposes politics. Then she cited her spiritual journey while insisting the election had been stolen. You know, the normal MAGA stuff. She also accused the judge of hating Donald Trump because, "he wasn't part of the system." She ran on so long--NBC reported her rambling statement lasted 45 minutes--the judge finally told her to, "wrap it up." 

Like everyone else involved in what can accurately called a violent attempt to overthrow a Presidential election and therefore the government of the United States, St. Cyr was pardoned by Donald Trump. One report said that by then she had spent a month in federal prison. 

Well, it turns out a pardon isn't good enough for Yvonne St. Cyr. She also wants her fucking two grand back. This past Tuesday she appeared in a taped interview with the Daily Show's Jordan Klepper.  After admitting she had taken an active part in the attack Klepper looked at her, then said, "And you want your money back? First insurrection's free right? I think that's in the Constitution." 

Undeterred by Klepper's sarcasm St. Cyr claimed the rioters were the real victims on January 6th, saying the aftereffects of the insurrection have been, "devastating."  to her and others. It turns out she isn't the only one who wants a payday. Klepper's report says an unspecified number of insurrectionists are suing the feds, accusing the government of excessive police force. Their claims add up to over $18 million in taxpayer money. 

Despite St. Cyr live streaming from inside the Capitol, at one point she claimed the only reason the government knew she was in the building was because of the, "deep state." She complained that the phone service outside the Capitol was sketchy and also blamed the lack of coverage on the, you guessed it, "deep state."  She said no when Klepper asked her if she wanted to storm the Capitol once more, "for old time's sake," adding that she had changed. Although apparently not that much. When he asked her if she would do it all over again, despite all the alleged pain and suffering, she replied, "Absolutely." 

She also had a warning for Jordan Klepper, who has made a career of, let's say sardonically, interviewing MAGA types. "We will be compensated," she told him. "We will be vindicated. And you will feel like an ass for this interview someday." 

Maybe or maybe not. However, at the moment, that sounds like pretty bold talk from a woman, who once told her internet audience she would never do jail time because, "The spirit has assured me that isn't going to happen." 

10-8-26     

J.D. Vance Rehabs Tricky Dick

 For those of you, like Vice President J.D. Vance, who weren't alive during the Presidency of Richard Nixon, let's have a very brief history lesson. He initially won the White House in 1968. By 1972, when he was running for re-election, his man, Henry Kissinger, was negotiating an end to the war in Vietnam and he had visited the Chinese mainland, ending over two decades of icy silence between the two nations. On the other hand, he was also dressing the ceremonial White House guards in uniforms straight out of the movie, "Prisoner of Zenda," and adding names to, "an enemies list." In addition, he had become obsessed with rooting out people who leaked information to the media and democrats. When the New York Times and later the Washington Post published what was known as the, "Pentagon Papers," Mr. Nixon went wild with rage, even though most of what was exposed happened before he assumed office.

In June of 1972 a group of people who were quickly tied to his re-election campaign were busted in the Watergate complex in Washington D.C. They were attempting to install illegal wiretaps and steal documents at the offices of the Democratic National Committee. It turned out Nixon had previously ordered the FBI to bug other organizations and individuals, but the Bureau had refused because the courts wouldn't allow it. Despite denying any connection to break in, evidence continued to mount that not only was his campaign involved, but so were senior White House staffers and the President himself. 

By August of 1974 the walls were closing in. The list of wrongdoing, bribes, payoffs, and outright criminal behavior was overwhelming. Richard M. Nixon was going to be impeached, convicted, and removed from office. He met with a group of republican Senators, among them the uber right wing, Barry Goldwater. They told him in no uncertain terms he was fucked. On August 9, 1974, Richard M. Nixon became the only President of the United States to resign from office. He was later pardoned of any and all crimes by his successor Gerald Ford and never appeared in court or spent a day in jail. 

Ever since, Dick Nixon has been considered the most corrupt President in American history. 

Last Thursday, J.D. Vance, the current Vice President of the United States, told us we had it all wrong. Speaking at the Nixon Library in Yorba Linda, CA, Vance said Nixon's Presidency might be, "Enjoying a renaissance and deservedly so." He also claimed that if the Watergate scandal occurred today, "It would be like a 12-hour news story and the idea it took down a Presidency is crazy." 

Then Vance said, "If you look at the story of how the deep state took down Richard Nixon, it's not all that different from what the same groups of people, the same institutions tried to do to Donald Trump in the first Trump administration." 

There it is. It wasn't Nixon's crimes that got him, it was the deep state before it was known as the deep state. It was a conspiracy before conspiracies became more common than snowflakes in Nome. (In 1972--1974 the only widespread conspiracy was who killed John Kennedy.) It was, in fact--despite all those republicans at that meeting--a cabal of radical liberals who caused the downfall. 

Then, J.D. Vance took it one step beyond. " A young Senator, Vice President writes some bestselling books, is hated by the media. It kind of sounds like J.D. Vance. I've always liked Richard Nixon." 

Wait. What? Did a sitting Vice President, a man on the national political stage, who has his eyes on the White House in a scant two years, just compare himself favorably to Richard Nixon, then say he always liked him? Why yes, he had. 

Add them all together and Vance's remarks become the most audacious re-write of recent history since Tucker Carlson claimed the January 6th capitol rioters were nothing more than a bunch of peaceful tourists. Well, either that, or all the acid we dropped in the 60's and 70's finally caught up to us. 

The proverbial weird part is that J. D. Vance may be right about some of it. Trump's in-your-face felonies and authoritarian ambitions makes Nixon's enemies list feel almost naive. Indeed, compared to Donald Trump's proudly overt corruption, Dick Nixon looks like a two-bit teen-aged punk armed with nothing more than can of spray paint. And given the scope of the high crimes and misdemeanors being committed these days, the Watergate break in might well last only a single 12-hour news cycle in 2026.

That doesn't make Richard Nixon innocent, or a victim of some deep state conspiracy. It was a different era. Nixon had followers, Trump has a cult. Nixon was dealing with GOP Senators and House members, who might have been willing to stand behind him to a point, but they weren't a bunch of rank cowards who were terrified of him. Most importantly, republican politicians back in those days ultimately believed in the Constitution and laws of the United States. They actually took their oaths seriously. The grab bag of assholes in congress now, consider the Constitution and law to be whatever Donald Trump says it is--no questions asked. 

J.D. Vance was wrong. Richard Nixon was a crook. It's just that Donald Trump is so spectacularly evil, nowadays ol' Tricky Dick seems downright quaint. 

10-5-26

Eric Schmitt and El Gaffe Grande

 Eric Schmitt was born in suburban St. Louis. After high school he attended Truman State University (Home of the Bulldogs). He then got his law degree from St. Louis University (Go Billikens). And yes, team nicknames are important here, trust me. 

 In 2005 Eric Schmiitt began his political career as a city alderman in Glendale, Missouri. Schmitt rose quickly through the GOP ranks, entering the Missouri state senate in 2009. By 2017 he was the state Treasurer, then in 2019 he became the Missouri state Attorney General. That's when he started to make a name for himself in MAGA world. 

As Attorney General he filed a lawsuit attempting to invalidate the Affordable Care Act. According to Wikipedia, after voters approved an amendment to the state constitution expanding Medicaid coverage, Schmitt argued in front of the Missouri Supreme Court that the republican controlled legislature and GOP Governor could legally refuse go along with expansion. You can't get any more Trumpian than that. In fact, it might have been the exact moment that Eric Schmitt became a genuine made MAGA guy.

To cement his image, during the Covid-19 pandemic Schmitt filed lawsuits against St. Louis County who was trying to implement restrictions on indoor dining and crowd sizes. One of the suits challenged a county wide mask mandate. When the pandemic really began to spin out of control Schmit's office filed a suit against the Chinese government and the Chinese communist party for, among other things, lying about how deadly the disease actually was. After using up $12,000 of the state's money to translate the paperwork into Chinese the federal court dismissed the case. Around the same time, he was going after the reds in Beijing, his office was also suing local school districts and Jefferson County, MO over mask requirements. 

In November 2022, the people of Missouri elected Eric Schmitt to the U.S. Senate by a little over 13 points. To paraphrase a lyric, his future was so bright he had to were shades. (Reports say the optimism in his camp was so prevalent he had even begun jockeying for the second spot on a J.D. Vance Presidential ticket) 

Then, early this week, things went, let's say, a tad awry. 

During the Senate Judiciary Committee meeting the Senator from Missouri appeared to be attempting to establish some sort of conspiracy between Special Persecutor, Jack Smith and Fulton County DA Fani Willis. Smith had been investigating Donald Trump and the entire January 6th coup attempt while at the same time Willis was investigating Trump's not so subtle effort to alter the 2020 election outcome in Georgia. No one is sure how serious Schmitt was about some nefarious collusion between the two--although we know MAGA loves conspiracies, well, except when they implicate Trump. The real reason for the line of questioning seemed to be to catch Jack Smith in a lie. In some quarters this is known as suborning perjury, a felony that will get you five years in the joint. 

Schmitt asked Smith if he had been in Atlanta during the investigations. Smith told the Committee he might have gone through Atlanta's airport while flying back and forth from Wahington to Florida. Schmitt, who had already called the Special Prosecutor a dirtbag, smiled slightly. Then he asked something along the lines of, "Would it surprise you, if we have proof, you were in Atlanta at an Atlanta Hawks game? " Smith was bewildered. One of Schmitt's aides rose with a large poster board showing Smith's texts about having tickets to a Hawks game. There was a problem though. Schmitt and his band of merry pranksters either didn't notice, or didn't care that while the texts mentioned Hawks, none specifically said the Atlanta Hawks, or referred to the city of Atlanta.   

During the ensuing uproar Smith said he did remember going to an Iowa-Maryland woman's basketball game, "around that time." That game was played in College Park, MD and featured then collegiate women's basketball superstar, Catlin Clark. Minnesota democratic Senator Amy Klobachar immediately jumped in to remind everyone Clark's Iowa team was known as the Hawkeyes. What she didn't mention, probably because she didn't have to, is that many times people shorten Hawkeyes into just Hawks. A little later observers noted the seat and row numbers Smith talked about don't exist in Atlanta's State Farm Arena, home of the NBA Hawks. In addition, Smith was accompanied by a couple of U.S. marshals to the game, and the Marshal service had a record of their whereabouts.   

It was a fuck up worthy of a Saturday Night Live bit. Everybody scrambled to cover their asses. When initially confronted about the mistake, Schmitt told TMZ only, "It's my job to ask the question." The implication being it was his staff who screwed the pooch and his only mistake was to believe them. Later he tried to laugh it off by saying, "Who knew Jack Smith was a Caitlin Clark fan?" He also tried to excuse the mistake by insisting the Hawks-Warriors game was the only NBA game being played that night. Actually, there were six NBA games played on the date in question, but by then a lie that lame was minor enough to be shrugged off. Judiciary Committee staffers began claiming they had warned Schmitt's staff the texts were, "unvetted." Others said the White House had provided the flawed information to Schmitt's people. 

Despite the epic goof the right-wing media and online hacks proclaimed the day was a resounding indictment of Jack Smith. Sean Hannity congratulated Schmitt on social media, but then quickly deleted it. Later on his FOX show he praised republican committee members by name, without mentioning Schmitt, for exposing Smith's abuse of power. Others in the online MAGA media simply ignored El Gaffe Grande and told their followers, numbering far too many, Jack Smith had perjured himself. 

Not everyone was trying to sweep the disaster under the rug though. An editorial in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch read in part, "Wrong teams, wrong league, wrong state." It went on to say the whole episode   was, "a loony right-wing conspiracy based on some misunderstood text messages. Falsely accuse a prosecutor of perjury; call him a villain and total dirtbag--and then stand by that playground pejorative even after the whole thing turned out to be a lazy mistake made by Schmitt and his staff..." 

 All that, of course, is the nature of the MAGA beast. Never say you're sorry or admit a mistake. Plow on to the next set of outrageous lies as fast as you can with the firm belief the truth can't catch up and, most importantly, the rubes will buy it all.

I tell you, Herr Goebbels would be proud.

10-2-26