Joe Biden says he hasn't been tested for COVID-19. Bernie Sanders hasn't said one way or the other. Typically, Donald Trump went from, "I don't need to be tested," to, "I have been tested and the results are pending." The latter statement came a scant few hours after his physician issued a letter to the press which also said Mr. Trump, "didn't need to be tested."
In the spirit of full disclosure I will admit I have not been tested either. It really isn't my fault though. The local media is reporting, at the moment, there are only 500 test kits available for the entire population of Oklahoma. That would leave the state health department approximately 3.94 million short. It is a line I am unwilling to wait in.
Earlier today my wife and I made our weekly trip to our local Homeland Grocery store. We found out one thing for certain. It is obvious Americans believe that in a pinch you can eat toilet paper because it was nearly all gone. So was the peanut butter, canned soup, breakfast cereal, bread, and bacon. I didn't include bottled hand sanitizer or wipes on the list because those are a given.
However I did talk with a friend earlier who had hit his local liquor store and bought four big jugs of grain alcohol. He assured me another of his pals, a doctor, had given him a formula for home made hand sanitizer which requires large amounts of it. Evidently the word of this questionable chemical manufacturing process is out, because the four bottles were the last in stock and the price, he said, was criminally exorbitant.
Let's face it the United States is suddenly resembling something out of a movie. Right now the only things missing are zombies shuffling down the streets looking for hot meals. Luckily we haven't reached that point yet, but you wouldn't know it according to my bookie.
As we know all U.S. sporting events have been called off, including the NCAA basketball championship, the greatest win, or go home tournament in the nation, if not the world. (Sorry World Cup fans, your tourney, at least in the first round, is not a one and done affair.)
Indeed, the virus has put my man in dire straights. "Good God," he told me, "I might have to go out and look for a fucking job." I assured him he could probably hook up with one of the many political campaigns currently operating, but he adamantly refused. "Not even I will stoop that low," he said, "I do have some scruples you know."
I lost it for a moment, "You mean like that time you claimed you lost the parlay card where I nailed eight out of eight teams?" "Let it go," he said, "that was a long time ago. Don't be such a sore loser. Besides I let you bet your lousy $50 bucks for free the next week."
This did not help since the next week he was talking about Army smoked the spread against Oklahoma. "I hope you end up shoveling fries at a McDonalds you useless bastard," I screamed. Then I hung up. He hasn't called back, probably because he knows I won't take his odds on which of the three old white fuckers will keel over from a stroke before the conventions.
Yes, the bookmaking industry is in trouble. Handicapping the ponies is a dying art and thanks to off track betting sites there are precious few searching out freelancers like him. And that's assuming the tracks remain open, which probably won't happen.
Even the corporate sites in Vegas must be in trouble, although thanks to the suckers in the casinos those losses can be covered. Well, at least as long as the casino crowds continue to show up, which is an iffy proposition as the infection rate continues to climb.
"These are the times which try men's souls, " Tom Paine wrote once in a different context. Little did he know how right he'd be two plus centuries later.
Ladies and gentlemen, the bar is most definitely open.
3-14-20
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