Jeffrey Epstein Croaks and Social Media Goes Berserk

Jeffrey Epstein was 66 years old. In his adult life he made boatloads of money, although no one is exactly sure how. During his salad days he hobnobbed with all manner of people, including Bill Clinton, Don Trump, Alan Dershowitz, and other famous elites both in and out of politics.

He was also a horribly dirty old man who loved to have sex with underage girls. Worse--if anything like that sort of shit can get worse--he liked to pimp them out to his pals. His reason for that particular predilection is also unclear, although the words influence and blackmail immediately come to mind.

About 12 years ago he was charged on an array of counts pertaining to his strange and awful fetish in Florida. His attorney, the increasingly infamous Mr. Dershowitz, struck a deal with then federal prosecutor, Alexander Acosta. Epstein pleaded down to two state counts of sexual weirdness with teenagers in exchange for 18 months in a county jail. In addition to the reduced sentence he was put into a work release program which allowed him to go about his business, supervised by local deputies,12 hours a day.

Since he paid the county for the deputies' overtime no one seemed to care. One Florida official later told the media he basically spent the nights in his cell, but was gone the rest of the time. After 13 months of his year and a half sentence he was officially released. Mr. Acosta, who would later become Donald Trump's Secretary of Labor, failed to inform Epstein's victims of the plea deal until nearly a year after it had been struck. That was and still is a violation of federal guidelines.

It would seem F. Scott Fitzgerald was correct when he wrote, "Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different than you and me."

Nationally all this contemptable nonsense came to light thanks to a series of articles the Miami Herald published earlier this year. Once the facts were known the public went, what could easily be described as, ape shit.

By July our man Jeffrey was back in another slammer, this time in New York City. He was charged with sexual crimes dating from 2002 to 2005. He was either simply dismissive, or naively ignorant of the outrage. Hey, he had bought his way out before, why not now? Mr. Epstein attempted to get himself released to his NYC town home by offering the court over $500 million in collateral. Much to his shock the judge refused and he remained confined in a lower Manhattan lockup along with all manner of the social underclass.

A couple of weeks ago one of three things happened. Epstein either tried to kill himself, was attacked by another inmate, or faked a suicide attempt so he could move on to more pleasant surroundings. Whatever the case he was kept in the Manhattan Correctional Center and put on suicide watch.

Now, as Mack Davis once said in a movie, comes the weird part. Earlier today, Jeffery Epstein was found dead in his cell of apparent suicide. According to reports he was taken off the watch a few days ago, a decision which provided him with the means to kill himself. He had been, it is also being reported, confined in solitary where supposedly there were frequent checks on his well being by correction officers.

The conspiracy crowd had already began to gather on social media after the first incident. Today, on places like Twitter they went berserk. A quick survey of what was trending on the site included hashtags which read, #EpsteinMurder, #ClintonBodyCount, #Arkancide, and #TrumpBodyCount. In addition the names, Bill Clinton, Dershowitz, Epstein, Prince Andrew, and Vince Foster were also getting huge numbers of tweets. Most, if not all, were speculating about the real cause of Jeffrey Epstein's death and who was the perpetrator.

Even MSNBC's Joe Scarborough tweeted, "He reportedly tried to kill himself two weeks ago. And is allowed to finish the job now? Bullshit."

The majority of posters were of a right wing bent. Since they're far more practiced at conspiracy shit, they dominated the discussion, as it were, arguing the Clintons were behind Epstein's demise. One tweeted, "Well folks, they've finally done it. Jefferey Epstein has been successfully suicided." The post was accompanied by a photo of Hillary Clinton smiling away. Another wrote, "Is anybody surprised #ClintonBodyCount is trending. It didn't take long for democrats to murder this disgusting man."

My personal favorite of the lot was a guy who tweeted, "Mass shootings were premeditated to distract from Epstein exposing the tip of a pedophile iceberg." Well why not? It makes sense, in a convoluted sort of way, to combine all the QAnon and Alex Jones conspiracies into one. After all, it saves time and space.

Others, more than a few actually, claimed Russian bots were behind the anti-Clinton hashtags and many of the most virulent posts. Maybe so, let's face it, the wily bastards are all over social media, like flies on potato salad at a picnic.

Meanwhile, Congresswoman, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez demanded an investigation into the affair. On the other side, GOP congressman, Matt Gaetz insisted the House Judiciary Committee should immediately drop its investigations into the Kavanaugh confirmation and the, "Russian hoax, (which never happened)," in order to prioritize an inquiry into Epstein's death.

Actually I have a theory myself. It goes this way. Epstein, who knew he was as guilty as you can get, was facing a maximum of 45 years in the joint--a term which amounts to a life sentence for a guy his age. It had finally dawned on him his vast wealth couldn't buy his way out of the mess, plus his high powered friends were running away from him as fast as they could. In other words he was fucked. His opulent lifestyle, as twisted as it was, was gone forever. So, given his bleak future and yes, thanks to the incompetence, or indifference of the correction officers in charge of watching him, he took his own life.

It isn't as much fun as blaming the Clintons, or even Trump, but, listen, sometimes reality just isn't as complicated as the conspiracy crowd wants you to believe.


sic vita est


8-10-19