We know Cole Thomas Allen is smart. You don't get into, then graduate from the California Institute of Technology (Cal Tech) without having some brains. Allen's initial degree was in engineering, his Masters was in Computer Science. The guy is 31 years old, reportedly designs computer games, and works for a company that specializes in tutoring AP students. Apparently, neither of those jobs pays enough to allow him to have his own space, because until a few days ago he lived with his parents in their Torrence, CA home.
We also know--at least since Saturday night and Sunday morning--Cole Allen is pretty good when it comes to planning and logistics. Reports are he bought the guns in his possession at least a year ago, if not longer. He stashed them at his parent's place, without their knowledge, and periodically snuck them out to practice with at a gun range. He also avoided security questions by taking trains from LA to Chicago, then to Washington D.C. In addition, he booked a room into the Washington Hilton, prior to White House Correspondents Association Dinner, which featured President Donald Trump, Vice President J.D. Vance, a number of high-ranking cabinet members and of government officials. Also present at the annual soiree that evening was every big-time media executive and reporter who covers the White House and politics in general. (For those with a taste for coincidence, Ronald Reagan was shot by John Hinkley right outside of the same hotel.)
Fortunately for the President, his wife, and God only knows how many others, when it came to tactics, Cole Allen wasn't worth a shit. After all the planning, all the patient preparation, the only thing he could come up with to assassinate, Donald J. Trump and others was a crazed bum-rush through a metal detector and past a perimeter of armed security. It was a move that had all the crafty nuances of a plot hitched by Wile E. Coyote.
Minutes before he tried to bull his way through security, Cole Allen emailed his family, letting them know what he was going to do and why. In the message he prioritized his hit list, while explaining how he was planning to deal, "nonlethally," with guards who would try to stop him. He apologized to them all for lying to them about the excuses he made up to travel to Wahington. He also apologized to his employer and students. In addition, he accused the President of treason and being a pedophile. In the letter he described the impending attack as his, "righteous duty." When it came to the Christian principle of, "turning the other cheek," he argued it applied only to the one being oppressed, not to someone who sees others being oppressed--proving once again interpretations are completely at the whims and prejudices of the interpreter. He signed off with the moniker, Cole, ColdForce Friendly Federal Assassin, Allen. (As opposed to Stan Lee's Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman.)
As soon as his brother read the email, he contacted the local police who got in touch with the Secret Service, but by then Cole Allen had already pulled the trigger--a couple of times. One of the shots hit a Secret Service agent square in the chest--so much for that nonlethal stuff--but luckily the man was saved by his body armor.
Questions about security were immediately posed. The main one being, how did this heavily armed clown check into a hotel that was going to host the President, his wife, and key members of his cabinet and staff without someone taking a look in his luggage? Not to mention how did he get from his room all the way to the main line of security while openly carrying a fucking shotgun? The answer to that question was brutally simple. He used the stairs rather than the elevators.
Since this is America, all the guns he brought were legally purchased in CA. And because Americans are a tad delusional, immediately after the attempt, the internet came alive with conspiracy theories. The most common accusation was that Donald Trump and, or his people staged the event in order to revive his tanking approval ratings. As proof at least one cited Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt's pre-shooting statement to FOX News. Describing the President's upcoming speech, she said it would be, "funny and entertaining," then added, "there will be some shots fired in the room tonight." Yeah, and Jack Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln and Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy, so what?
Late Saturday evening Donald Trump, back at the White House, held a brief press conference. By all accounts, even from outlets which are openly hostile to him, he sounded reasonable, measured, and downright Presidential. By the next morning, however he had recovered from this moment of sanity. In a social media post, he claimed the shooting was the reason that, "military leaders and the heads of all the security agencies," had, "spent years begging to have a grand White House ball room built." You know, like the one he is building.
It didn't take long after that for Trumpista talking heads to blame the assassination attempt on, "democratic hate speech. Their argument apparently being if you criticize the man in any way, it will automatically create a Cole Allen.
Meanwhile, last week, mere hours prior to the shooting Donald Trump posted this on social media. "The Southern Poverty Law Center has dedicated their existence to attacking my voters in the Klan. (The italics are mine.) That's FRAUD! Therefore the 2020 Presidential Election should be permanently wiped from the books!!!" That's our man Donnie Trump. He is, as God and the rest of us are his witnesses, standing up to defend what he believes is one of his key voter demographics--members of the nation's original organized hate group, the Ku Klux Klan.
Which leads us to another Christian principle we might want to interpret. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
4-27-26
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