Madison Cawthorn: Crazier Than the Craziest and Rootin' For Putin

So what is a 26 year old wildly right wing freshman Congressman to do these days? Especially when competing with those two glamorous fascist show girls, Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene for media coverage? Well for Madison Cawthorn, R-NC, the answer seems obvious. You have to be crazier than the craziest and the most brutally cruel liar this side of Vladimir Putin.

Luckily young Mr. Cawthorn is well versed in both these arts. In addition he has the Trumpian ability to switch up his stories at speeds approaching Mach Two with little regard for the public record. Describing his 2014 serious car accident which left him partially paralyzed, he has said the driver of the vehicle, Bradley Ledford, "left him to die in a fiery tomb." Ledford has said he was the one who pulled Cawthorn from the wreckage. Later Mr. Cawthorn swore he had, "no memory," at all of the accident, although he did recall being, "declared dead at the scene." Official reports describe him as, "incapacitated."

During his campaign in 2020 the Congressman said he lost out on an appointment to the U.S. Naval Academy due to the accident. This was news to the Academy which had rejected him weeks before the crash occurred. 

As we can see Representative Cawthorn prefers his peculiar version of reality, so anything he says, no matter how insane, on the campaign trail, shouldn't surprise us. Even so, it was a tad nauseating the other day when he called Ukrainian President, Volodymyr Zelensky, "a thug." His reasoning was vague, but perhaps it was because Zelensky didn't cave into Don Trump's extortion attempt during the 2020 campaign. He also described the Ukrainian government as corrupt to the core. 

At another campaign stop the Congressman implied the Russian invasion wasn't such a bad thing because Zelensky was trying to impose, "woke," policies on the Ukrainian people. Yes, we all understand that's what thugs do. Indeed, enforcing woke politics is the first rule in the thuggery handbook, which Cawthorn obviously has a copy of. Unfortunately Comrade Putin doesn't because you can say many things about him, but woke isn't one of them and he is definitely a thug.

Actually Mr. Cawthorn sort of agrees with the Russian Orthodox Patriarch, Kirill who blames the Ukrainian invasion on western, "Russophobia,," and the attempts of NATO countries to force everyone to hold gay pride day parades.

While we can't speak to the Patriarch's education we do know Madison Cawthorn dropped out of college after one semester of spectacularly poor grades. He blamed them on the car wreck, saying the head injuries he sustained caused him to be, "slow." and a romantic breakup with an unnamed woman.

We also know it only took him that single semester to become a legend among the women at his school. Several have accused him of sexual harassment, groping, and aggressive sexual behavior. Cawthorn, denies all the charges.

Finally we know he has been charged with driving with a revoked license. It was revoked because of the number of speeding tickets he has received.

Well, what should we expect from a 26 year old college drop out, just trying to be cool. Too bad the silly son of a bitch is just smart enough to live in a solid red district and be a member of the American political party that values ghastly bombast over substance.

Hey, who says this republic isn't great?

3-11-22