Waiting for the Great Blizzard of '21

There is a different breed of meteorologist working the air waves in Oklahoma City. All of them tend to fall in a strange category that rests somewhere on the fringes of science and hysteria, of televangelism and reality. They never fail to leave the distinct impression nothing thrills them more than weather related catastrophes. 

Here on the southern plains it is usually the month of May, the height of tornado season, that revs their engines. Indeed, when those dark clouds begin to roil somewhere north east of Lawton, then come roaring straight up the H.E Bailey Turnpike like a berserk pagan god, their pulses quicken and faces flush. They will preempt even the likes of Doctor Phil McGraw, not just to warn the public, but to plug their fantastic radar systems which, according to them, will save your life so long as you tune in to their station.  

None of them epitomized  this phenomenon more than KWTV's Gary England. During the middle of a tornado out break his excitement was so visceral it caused many to believe he was in the throes of a crude and perverse sexual act.

Alas England is gone now, retired, perhaps selling Amway franchises to suburban rubes, but others have risen to take his place. And even though it isn't May, KFOR's Mike Morgan and England's replacement, David Payne, have been howling all week that the end is near.

Yes nothing freaks Oklahomans out more than ice and snow. Tornados are a fact of life, but extreme cold and piles of winter precipitation are rare. Enough so the city's attitude in most its neighborhoods is, a snow storm is an act of God, so God can damn well take care of the clean up.

Early this week a light, icy mist fell. Within a day the wind kicked up and dried the streets off, but the temperature continued to fall. By Wednesday the local weather people began talking about a massive Siberian cold front which could bring record snow fall and lows. Morgan issued a dire, yea apocalyptic, warning saying citizens had only two full days to prepare for nearly a week of killer cold and up to 18 inches of snow. This in a town which grinds to a stop when only three inches fall.

The adult population of the Oklahoma City metropolitan area promptly went ape shit.

When we hit the grocery store on Thursday afternoon the scene was utter chaos. The toilet paper aisle--it's always toilet paper--was stripped nearly bare, as was the dry cereal aisle. Milk was quickly disappearing, so were frozen pizzas. The lines to check out stretched half way to the back of the store. 

Meanwhile Morgan and Payne were doubling down on their forecasts despite accusations of fear mongering by out of town meteorologists. The only thing which changed in their forecast was the timing. Now, they said, the storm wouldn't get here until late Saturday, early Sunday and it would linger through next Thursday.

So, at this moment on Saturday afternoon, thin sunlight is filtering through a flat layer of clouds. The off and on flurries have ceased for the moment and the temperature is a balmy 14f with a wind chill of -2f. Every faucet in the place is running. We've dealt with broken pipes before and neither of us are in the mood to do so again. 

Yes, we are prepared for The Great Blizzard of '21. Well at least we think we are. If the purveyors of doom are correct we will find out for sure by Monday, or Tuesday. If they aren't, I suppose we will just have to wait until May.

sic vita est

2-13-21